Rotten weather in Midsomer? That’s what I call a real crime
Far-fetched it may be, not to mention callous. But you can’t say that Midsomer Murders (ItV) is ever less than psychotically imaginative.
as the much-loved crime show returned with the first of a double bill to celebrate its 20th series, one character was run through with a double-pronged mattock, a sort of medieval monk’s pitchfork.
another was scalded to death in a bubbling vat of beer. ‘Boiled human flesh . . . I may need to consult a cookbook,’ remarked the new police pathologist, dr fleur Perkins (annette Badland).
What other mainstream show could do a light-hearted gag about cannibalism without provoking an outcry?
DCI Barnaby and his sidekick Ds Winter (Neil dudgeon and Nick hendrix) wouldn’t pay much attention to anthropophagy, which is the correct term for ‘having a friend for dinner’. the only crime that matters in Midsomer is murder . . . hence the title.
In the course of the latest investigation, they barely raised an eyebrow at life-insurance fraud.
When Barnaby discovered that one of his suspects had falsely reported his partner’s death and pocketed the pay- out, he merely quizzed the man gently over a pint in a village pub. and when the local micro-brewery admitted they were topping up their pricey ales with budget lager, the inspector looked pained at the sacrilege . . . and more pained still at the idea of pressing charges.
Good job, too. We had enough to think about, with the plethora of suspects — so many famous faces that they barely all fitted on the office board.
‘Narrowed it down, have you?’ said dr fleur, who is already establishing a great line in sardonic humour.
When Barnaby asked her, at the first murder scene, to give him an estimated time of death, she sized him up and predicted: ‘about 30 years.’ these two will be lying awake at night, honing their quips for the next investigation.
It used to be that viewers could guess the killer by picking the biggest name from the cast list. after all, elaine Paige isn’t going to agree to appear unless she gets to be led away in cuffs at the end.
the same goes for former carry On queen anita harris, while tony Gardner (such a rotten rat in Last tango In halifax) is made for murder. But here they all were — and the denouement still came as a shock.
the only disappointment was the weather. It was grey. the trees were bare too.
When screenwriter anthony horowitz devised the format for Midsomer, his golden rule was that it always had to be . . . well, midsummer. Bad weather is the least of the problems for the five couples competing to reach Singapore first, challenged to travel by land and sea for less than the cost of an air fare, in Race Across The World (BBc2).
On the second leg, they were belting over Greece and turkey towards Baku in azerbaijan, which looked sweltering. It’s a novel idea for a travelogue, but it falls apart for a couple of obvious reasons.
for one thing, there’s not much time for sightseeing when you’re in a race. Most of the time, the duos were on trains and coaches or cadging lifts from strangers.
and though they’re not yet halfway through the 50-day race, they are all exhausted. Broken sleep and constant stress have taken their toll.
When they face the camera to record their thoughts, nothing but vacuous, repetitive blither comes out: ‘We can’t quit now . . . never thought it would be so tough . . . don’t know where the other teams are . . . zzz . . . zzz . . .’