Ephraim Hardcastle
MONDAY should have been Prince Andrew’s day, when he inherited his father’s role as Outward Bound Trust patron and was chosen to travel with the Queen in his place to the Commonwealth Day service at Westminster Abbey. But his role ended there. Instead of walking down the aisle with the Queen, as would Philip, the former spare to the heir was replaced by the Dean of Westminster, which left him bringing up the rear and looking on forlornly as his nephews took precedence. JEREMY Corbyn and his Commonwealth spokesman Emily Thornberry broke convention by failing to show at the Commonwealth Day service. As one royal source explained: ‘Britain is chair of the summit until next year, and Her Majesty feels strongly that it was important the leader of the Opposition make an appearance.’ THE Brexit spanking delivered to the PM yesterday by Attorney General Geoffrey Cox reminded observers of his 2000 defence of Dulwich College headmaster Robin Peverett when he boomed: ‘What’s a little buttock fondling, after all?’ AFTER clashing on BBC2’s Politics Live, The Apprentice winner Michelle Dewberry, 39, pictured, got her revenge on Corbyn cheerleader Paul ‘We’re all doomed’ Mason. Returning after a break, she snapped: ‘You’ve been deeply rude to me... when I called you out on that you just sat and laughed.’ Must be a first for the funereal-faced Mason! SEEKING airline upgrades, Cherie Blair’s father, the late Tony Booth, told check-in staff his daughter – then still in Downing Street – was his emergency contact. At the time, Cherie had been warned by the Cabinet Secretary to rein in her fondness for freebies. Did Confucius say: ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?’ DAYS before the BBC’s Red Nose fundraiser, former Match Of The Day editor Paul Armstrong claims at least one corporation executive opposes African charity work, recalling a Sport Relief trip to Uganda when he was subjected to a tirade by the bigwig. ‘Africa was a basket case, he told me. He’d never go anywhere near the disease-ridden place and couldn’t see why we’d want to do so – and, moreover, the BBC shouldn’t be involved in any of this stuff anyway.’ He adds: ‘And people think the corporation is over-run by PC-obsessed, bleeding-heart liberals.’ Paul is promoting a book, so why doesn’t he name the off-message panjandrum? THE Guardian’s right-on coverage of International Women’s Day is holed below the waterline in the film Maiden about Tracy Edwards and her all-women crew in the Whitbread Round The World Yacht Race. In the film, Guardian journalist Bob Fisher describes them as a ‘tin full of tarts’. MUSING on life after death, musician Rick Wakeman, 69, tells music magazine Prog: ‘Lady Gaga’s bicycle saddle seems to come quite high up on the reincarnation request list.’