Trip to the shops blown off course

THE day was exceptionally windy, And the sky a very dark grey, My dear wife was under the weather, She said, ‘You’ll have to go shopping today. ‘I want sausages from the butcher, In the bakers buy a large bap. Get me some cough sweets from the chemist, And wrap up warm, wear a scarf and a cap.’ Donning my cap and thick greatcoat, I staggered off into the gale, The wind seemed intent on blowing me over, It’s a good job I’m built like a whale! But suddenly, without any warning, My best cap flew right off my head And, rolling along like a big penny, Down the road, on its own, off it sped.

It rolled past the butchers and bakers, Gathering speed to reach journey’s end. It rolled on past the chemist and I followed Feeling exhausted as it rounded the bend. There, with open doors, stood The Victoria, The pub was a much welcome sight.

My cap rolled in through the doorway And on the floor came to rest from its flight. The barmaid said: ‘Hello George, the usual? You’re in rather early today.’ Panting, I gasped: ‘I didn’t intend to, You see my best cap just came in this way!’ She laughed. ‘Well I’ve heard some funny excuses, But that one is hard to believe!’ Still, after four pints and a bag of pork scratchings, I finally put on my cap then took my leave. Sadly, my better half wasn’t happy. She whispered: ‘Exactly where have you been?’ My wife had her say, so on my next shopping foray, I’ll wear my deerstalker tied under my chin!

A. Bass, Theydon Bois, Essex.