England expects...

TORY MP Jake Berry, when asked on LBC if MPs in the DUP and European Research Group, led by Jacob ReesMogg, were having their arms twisted to back the PM’s deal, replied: ‘I think you’ll find they’ve been in a Full Nelson for a very long time.’

Former Labour Deputy Prime minister John Prescott shows he can laugh at himself. His book, Prezza — my Story: Pulling No Punches, published at £18.99, was spotted in a charity shop by a potential buyer who tweeted: ‘Bargain of the week for your musings 25p. Very cheap.’ Prescott replied: ‘Is it a rare unsigned copy?’

When he quits as liberal Democrat leader in May, sir Vince Cable plans to write more books. let’s hope they’re better received than his debut novel, Open Arms. Billed as a political thriller, it’s not exactly thrilling readers. At one point, it reached the dizzy heights of 198,365th on the Amazon bestseller list.

THE House authorities say that Parliament’s telephone system, which was installed in 1985, ‘is at the end of its supported life’ and ‘at significant risk of failure’. An appropriate metaphor for this Parliament.

After a no-deal Brexit was ruled out, Brexiteer Conservative MP Zac Goldsmith vented his frustration by saying that people need to ‘feel the pressure of democracy at all times, not just elections’.

Is this the same Zac Goldsmith who ducked out of two public meetings during the General election campaign, including one where people had coughed up £25 for the privilege of attending?