His memory is everywhere — move!

DOM SAYS:

I AdmIre you for coping so well. having counselling is absolutely the right thing to do, so well done for taking control.

It is awfully difficult when a relationship falls apart, particularly with young people involved.

When it comes to your children I think it’s important to remember that at 20 and 16, one is an adult, the other almost so, and they have the right to choose the terms of their relationship with their father. If, indeed, there is any relationship at all.

your son has every right to react how he did; he and your daughter are free to make their own decisions regarding future interaction with their father, and the new people their father has bought into their lives.

I know from experience that they may be uncomfortable for some time. But please believe me when I tell you it gets easier.

things will become less unpleasant and less complicated for your children in time.

life goes on, but the sad truth is, it may take you a long time to get over the loss of your husband. you are doing very well. you have faced up to the situation you are in and are doing everything in your power to improve your life. my advice is to keep on doing what you’re doing.

And I have a couple of things that might help make it a little easier. your husband may no longer be physically present, but he’s in every bit of that house.

you must see his influence everywhere, even if you’re not always aware of it. So, as soon as you’re able to, move. It’s hard to live surrounded by reminders and memories. make a plan to find your own space. It may take years, but focus on that.

the second thing to do is to take control of mother’s day! you have acted impeccably with regards to your daughter’s decision to go to the christening.

But while mother’s day is lovely, it’s a manufactured celebration. It doesn’t have to fall on the specific day it does, so make the celebration work for you!

Pick another day that you and your children agree will be your mother’s day and celebrate together then instead.

your daughter is being brave. continue to support her as you are. I have a half- sister and a half-brother and love them as dearly as if they were full blood. So while things may be difficult now you may find a silver lining for your children in the future.

As for you, I feel sure you’ll find your brighter side, too, in time. you’ve been dealt a harsh blow, but you’re coping brilliantly.

life goes on. you’ll get stronger — you are getting stronger every day. you have all my sympathy and all my admiration.