Men in tights, hunky sailors --it’s history with the phwoar factor
HISTORy on telly is no longer the preserve of fusty archivists spouting dates and Latin mottoes. A regiment of lady historians has arrived to sex it up.
‘He’s quite a fellow,’ murmured genealogist Megan Owens, examining a depiction of a Tudor gent in Skeletons Of The Mary Rose (C4). ‘Quite cute, lovely tights.’
Dr Alex Hildred, head of research at the Mary Rose Trust, was even more appreciative of a bowman whose remains were found on the royal warship that sank almost 500 years ago.
‘He’s quite tall,’ she declared approvingly. ‘He’s pretty rough and tussled in a good-looking sort of way, with that “I’ve just got out of bed” type of look.’
Do all female historians fancy the past? It’s certainly more difficult to imagine the old male guard, the likes of Simon Schama or Lord Clark, panting over a painting of Anne Boleyn and muttering, ‘Phwoar, I would, your Majesty.’
The archer was one of eight people whose ancient remains were tested to reveal their racial background, using DNA and isotope analysis. This meant grinding bits off their molars and their bones, which seems a bit undignified for men who gave their lives fighting for England,
SPORTS EVENT OF THE
WEEKEND: No, not the rugby, but a kok-boru match in Kazakhstan, on Race Across the World (BBC2), with two teams of riders fighting over a dead goat. It’s like polo but not as posh . . . instead of champers, there’s goat stew.
even if it was five centuries ago. The isotope findings were particularly interesting, though: by measuring the presence of certain chemicals such as oxygen in the bone, scientists could identify where the subject grew up — whether in Britain or, as in the hunky archer’s case, North Africa.
The researchers all seemed staggered that four of the Mary Rose crew came from Mediterranean countries. ‘This is mind-blowing,’ gasped historian Dr Onyeka Nubia. ‘People will think England at the time of Henry VIII has to be all white.’ I don’t see why. Every ship’s crew is bound to be a mixed bunch.
Still, the show wouldn’t have been as dramatic if the presenters had squinted through a microscope and shrugged: ‘Well, that’s pretty much as we expected.’
More intriguing was the digital replica of the Mary Rose, created by taking two billion scans of the wreck and building a 3D computer image of the ship on the seabed. The team could explore it from every angle: ‘It’s like swimming through it in clear water,’ said one.
The technology can’t be far away that will let us recreate figures from history using virtual reality. Don the digi- goggles and a rugged, tousled Tudor will be standing right in front of you, tights and all. I’m concerned that some of the lady historians might get slightly over-excited.
A dose of over-excitement was welcome in Baptiste (BBC1). This crime serial starring Tcheky Karyo as a retired detective hunting people traffickers in Amsterdam has always been slowmoving, and occasionally static.
Last week’s episode, which pointlessly bumped off the most interesting character, reformed gangster Kim (Talisa Garcia), was going nowhere till the last minutes, when sweaty Ed (Tom Hollander) scarpered with a bagful of banknotes.
Now the story is gathering speed as the scattered storylines tie together. The moment when Julien Baptiste — in town to hand back the money to psychopath Constantin (menacing Alec Secareanu) — casually admitted he’d spent it all was priceless.
How do you burn through a million Euros in a morning? That’s like a poser for a party game. Julien’s solution was to buy a worthless second-hand yacht from a sharkish dealer.
Constantin’s face lost its usual sadistic leer. He looked like he might cry. It was a smart moment of comedy in a dark drama.