Croc didn’t make a monkey out of me!

HAVING worked in the housing department at a local rural authority, I often smile when I reflect on the variety of pets that the tenants kept. There were the usual dogs and cats and budgies, but some people strayed into the exotic. Several had macaws that would interrupt conversations. It used to amaze me that these intelligent birds could perfectly mimic their owners. Of course, some uttered the occasional naughty word, but people generally blamed an irascible uncle or a visitor for teaching the birds bad habits. I even came across a little monkey that had a cage in the living room but came out to sit on his owner’s shoulder when I visited. Perhaps my biggest surprise was a huge python that lived in an enormous glass cage. I was interviewing its owner when the man’s wife came into the room. As soon as the snake saw her, it started to get agitated. ‘It’s OK,’ said the man, ‘it doesn’t like my wife!’ My funniest recollection was when someone phoned to report that his neighbour had a crocodile in a garden pond. We thought it was unlikely, but a colleague was sent over to investigate. He was taken out to the complainant’s garden to look over the fence. There was, indeed, a large crocodile, with rows of teeth and an evil smile. It wasn’t in the least bit dangerous, though, because it was made out of plastic!

Don Townshend, Chelmsford, Essex.