DEAR BEL,

I HAVE a lot of issues involving family: a father who committed suicide at 40, a mother with a ‘martyr complex’ and a husband who died at 36 leaving me with three young children.

Throughout, my mother’s bullying and belittling remained unchanged. She controlled how my brothers and I behaved with our father and had nothing nice to say about him alive or dead. Her greatest anger was aimed at me, her only daughter.

I am of Asian origin so she engineered an arranged marriage but would not let me live happily and created division between my husband and new family. It was as though she wanted me to herself — and not because she loved me.

After my husband died I decided (with trepidation as I’ve always been frightened of her anger) to cut ties with her so my children could grow up without her interference and not be cowed like my brothers and me. She didn’t give in easily but I remained resolute.

Recently, I let her back because of guilt. When I saw her again after many years I was overwhelmed by how aged and frail she looked and wanted to cry.

We had two attempts at reconciliation. One lasted a few months, the second for two years. But she hadn’t learned anything.

She lives about an hour away and I visited every two weeks, but her bitterness played on my mind. I couldn’t sleep and felt suicidal. So now, once again, we are estranged.

She is elderly and needy but I have left my three brothers to care for her. She does not like their wives but at least my brothers have each other.

I had to bring up my children with no help because she isolated me. So why do I still have this enormous guilt? Parents should allow their children to be happy and independent.

I really wanted to say, Bel, why don’t you offer some words of advice to Prince Harry’s wife Meghan Markle and her father?

Surely she has the right to live as she chooses? A loving parent would never treat their child as he has done. You can’t humiliate your child into loving you. What would you say to them and me? RENA