Sick as a parrot

DESPITE the EU Cup Final taking place almost three years ago, the winners have still not been presented with the trophy.

The match was contested by the holders, Remain United FC, and the unfancied Leave Town FC.

Remain had held the cup for 43 years since winning in 1973, arguably with the help of the match officials. The team was then known as The Joiners with Ted Heath as their longserving manager.

This was only the second time they had allowed another team to challenge them and they went into the 2016 final confident of victory.

However, they got their tactics totally wrong by relying on players, such as Major and Blair, who were long past their sell-by date.

Both teams accused each other of fouls and unfair play, but at the final whistle the Leavers had won by the only goal. The Remainers were gutted as they had assumed victory from the outset. Such was the dismay that their captain, Cameron, felt it necessary to fall on his sword.

Ever since the final whistle, many of the losers have sought to overturn the result. Some have demanded a replay, perhaps in tiddlywinks, while others are demanding that extra time be played, ranging from ten days to three months and even a year.

Some suggest that due to the narrow margin, the winners should treat their victory as a score draw and settle for a soft victory rather than being presented with the winners’ cup.

A few members of the victorious team have succumbed to this idea, but they were perhaps playing for the wrong side in the first place. Consultations are taking place with the opposing team captains after numerous meetings of the players failed to come up with a deal to allow the cup to be presented.

Some players, a former Attorney General and an about-to-be ex-Speaker, may not be available for selection if a replay should take place.

Supporters of both teams are totally brassed off and want to put all the players on the transfer list.

GEOFF Parkin, Gawsworth, Cheshire.