If Game of Thrones kills off its only good actors, I’ll be gone too
Eee-uch! It wouldn’t be Game of Thrones (Sky Atlantic) if at least one character whose survival seemed assured didn’t die horribly before the end of the episode.
No spoilers but, as the medieval fantasy returned for its final season, the climactic scene looked like Oliver Twist had wandered into the Texas chainsaw Massacre.
Dismembered limbs were arranged on the castle walls in a geometric spiral, like one of those seashell decorations that British holidaymakers would make to brighten up their caravans. ‘It’s a message from the Night King,’ gasped a soldier. Looks like he’s been going to arts-and-crafts evening classes.
This elaborate bloodshed is the show’s real hallmark. Part-time viewers might suppose the gratuitous nudity is what matters most, since Game of Thrones has always been touted as the Playboy version of Lord Of The Rings.
But the sex (including incest, rape and sexual torture) is chiefly about winning power – and when it isn’t, the effect is accidentally comical.
This week’s flash of boobs and bums involved assassin Bronn (Jerome Flynn) on a bed with three scantily clad ladies of pleasure. That never happened in the Robson and Jerome videos.
Before Jerome could get his britches off, he and his playmates were interrupted by Superintendent Bright from endeavour, aka Anton Lesser, as a sort of glorified palace butler.
Lesser regarded a pair of buttocks with pious disapproval and declared: ‘Poor girl. Pox will take her within the year.’
Then he handed Jerome a crossbow and told him to murder two pretenders to the throne. That’s more like it.
MOST
of the rest of the 70 minutes was taken up with explanations, as characters reminded each other of current alliances and recent story twists. Lady Sansa ( Sophie Turner) had to call a council of war, filling the Great hall at Winterfell with bit-part players who stepped forward to remind us of their sub-plots.
Sansa greeted every piece of news with a suspicious stare, which is the only expression she can do. This has been one of the serious problems for Game of Thrones: eight years ago, the children of Ned Stark were a cast of young unknowns, and not all of them have turned out to be the greatest actors.
For every Maisie Williams (brilliantly sullen as the murderous Arya) there’s a Kit harington, playing the hero Jon Snow, who
cannot speak a line without glancing down or sideways first. Is he conveying the character’s inner turmoil and self- doubt, or just looking for his cue cards?
Jon Snow finally caught up with the news that viewers have known for nearly two years – that whitehaired dragon-tamer Queen Daenerys is his auntie. unfortunately, he didn’t get the update until after he’d whisked her off to a waterfall for a snuggle in the snow. What if she’s pregnant now? A baby boy would be her greatnephew and his cousin, as well as their heir. hang that on your family tree. Meanwhile, Sansa was confronting her ex-husband Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and giving him a suspicious stare. he remarked that many people had underestimated her over the years, and most of them ended up dead. She kept staring.
Dinklage allowed the faintest of expressions to ruffle his scarred face, like a breeze on choppy water, and we saw exactly what he was thinking: ‘Oh crud. I’ve been underestimating her too, haven’t I?’
As long as the writers can refrain from slaughtering all the best actors, Game of Thrones will remain addictively watchable. But if Tyrion, Arya and one or two others wind up as more of the Night King’s gory collages, my interest is going to wane.