Is Wayne as daft as he seems?
It must be terrible around the Hennessey household whenever repeats of Fawlty
Towers are on. there’s Basil, goose- stepping through the restaurant in front of his German guests, sides are splitting all over the place and in the middle of it, poor Wayne Hennessey utterly confused by what is unfolding.
‘Why are you all laughing?’ he no doubt asks. ‘And why is the man walking like that? Why has he got his finger under his nose? He is clearly mentally unstable. this isn’t funny. He needs clinical assistance and perhaps serious psycho-analysis, not your thoughtless mockery.’
Hennessey, you see, has no knowledge of Adolf Hitler and the third Reich, or at least that’s what he told the Football Association commission who cleared him of making a Nazi salute at a social gathering for Crystal Palace players. And the commission believed him. Indeed, they were so convinced of Hennessey’s ignorance, so willing to buy the stereotype of the thick footballer, that they set it down in their condescending report.
‘mr Hennessey categorically denied he was giving a Nazi salute,’ the commission explained. ‘Indeed, from the outset he said that he did not even know what one was. Improbable as that may seem to those of an older generation, we do not reject that assertion as untrue. When cross- examined mr Hennessey displayed a very considerable — one might even say lamentable — degree of ignorance about anything to do with Hitler, fascism and the Nazi regime. Regrettable though it may be that anyone should be unaware of so important a part of our own and world history, all we would say is mr Hennessey would be welladvised to familiarise himself with events which continue to have great significance to those who live in a free country.’
Look, there are some thick footballers out there, just as there are thick people in every profession, even thick lawyers, but they’ve all heard of the Nazis. Hennessey should never have been charged anyway for what was a daft joke made when a German colleague was giving a speech but considering the sensitivity of the times, he was very fortunate to meet a commission so gullible about the intelligence of footballers.
How do you think that crossexamination ended, by the way? maybe like the last scene of The Usual Suspects with Hennessey walking from the room before, out of sight of his inquisitors, his stride gradually widens, until he is goosestepping down Wembley Way before raising a straight right arm, putting his index finger under his nose and howling with laughter at the brilliant minds he’d strung along.