Snub him — it will hurt far more

DOM SAYS:

I’M Delighted to hear you’ve moved on and found love, and well done on losing weight and landing a new job. It sounds as if life is fantastic right now! So, my question is this: why on earth would you jeopardise that?

I understand you want to show your ex that he made a huge mistake, but I fear you might be about to make one, too. By focusing on your ego, you are in danger of behaving in exactly the same way that your ex did — which is to say, hurting the feelings of your current partner by prioritising those of your ex.

There is, of course, no suggestion here that you might get back together with him — he sounds a nasty piece of work, and you are, as you say, very happy with your partner.

But your ex is just that: an ex. He should be in your past, not your present. The truth is, if he had no emotional pull over you, you wouldn’t be making a fuss about this. He should be of no interest to you — and yet he is. Perhaps I’m being a little harsh. I do understand the impulse to show him what he’s missing and to prove to him that you have survived — indeed thrived — after he hurt you.

But I don’t think he deserves the time and thought you are giving him. He behaved very badly and hurt you deeply: don’t give him the opportunity to do it again.

My advice is to ignore him like the plague. Tell him you’re simply too busy to meet up. You don’t have to spell it out, but the implication will be that you have too many wonderful things going on in your life right now to squeeze in a trip down memory lane. Believe me, snubbing him will sting him far more than showing up will!

If, however, you really feel you have things you absolutely have to get off your chest in order to be able to move on, then fine. Tell him you’ll meet him with your partner. There should be no cloak and dagger stuff.

Your boyfriend should know about the texting, even if you think he won’t like it. Of course, some great friendships grow out of old relationships, but this is not one of them. Meet him or don’t, but it’s time to put the whole thing to bed.