Show up together and shame him

STEPH SAYS:

I THINK you should pat yourself on the back for being honest enough to recognise that this is quite an unusual dilemma for you and for taking it seriously.

That said, it’s clear to me that you are motivated by your desire to rub your ex’s nose in your current happiness. And while I completely understand this, I also think it’s a fairly pointless exercise and won’t bring you the satisfaction you crave.

Most of us have been there; hurt and betrayed by someone we loved and desperate to hurt them back by swanning back into their lives wearing a new, shinier model and a huge grin.

The reality is that by the time we do reach that place, it doesn’t really matter any more.

Your ex does not sound like a nice person. He has behaved appallingly and does not deserve to waste any more of your time.

If he’d wanted to apologise for his behaviour he would have done so long before now. If he was going to tell you that he regrets everything and that leaving you will haunt him to his dying day (because I assume this is what you’re hoping to hear), then I’m afraid you may well be disappointed.

I think this is about him wanting to reassure himself that he can still affect you. After all, do you not think the timing of all this is a little suspicious? In your longer letter, you say that out of the blue he started to ‘like’ things on Facebook when he hadn’t done before.

I assume you’ve recently posted pictures of yourself all slimmed down and loved up? If so, don’t you think that might be why he’s suddenly emerged from the woodwork? He clearly does not like seeing you happy, and to me that would suggest someone who is very controlling and somewhat underhand.

So, you have two options. The first: ignore him completely. Block his number and delete him from your social media. Show him he isn’t welcome in your life by removing him from it.

Option two (and this is my preferred choice) is to agree to meet him but go with your partner. Ask your new love for his help and support. This is too important to keep to yourself.

You love this man and I assume he loves you. He is part of the reason you are the deeply happy woman you are now.

By meeting him as a couple, you will be showing your ex just how far you have moved on and just what he gave up.

To be honest, just showing up will be enough, but if you really want to, you can bring up his betrayal airily, joke about his decision to leave you for another woman, and, quite literally, have the last laugh.

Of course, option two only works if your boyfriend is comfortable about it, too, and whichever course of action you choose, that is key. Let your ex know he has no control over you any more. Then, with no more backward glances, go and enjoy every minute with a man who

really deserves you!