Ask him for proof of his divorce

DOM SAYS:

I’ve re-read your letter and I’m sorry to say I don’t believe that deep down you didn’t consider this right from the very start.

It strikes me as fundamentally peculiar that you didn’t have this conversation on your first date! Or before your first date!

What on earth did you message each other about? Surely it’s perfectly normal to have ‘getting to know you’ texts and the like?

If I’m having dinner with someone, I want to know who they are — and that’s as a happily married man. I simply can’t imagine spending an evening with someone and emerging without knowing about their life. Are they married? Where did they meet? Do they have children? How old are they?

These are simply polite questions. How boring and shallow to spend time with someone without asking them.

So, no, I feel sure that this sort of thing must’ve come up, which means that either of you steered the conversation off topic to avoid having to find out. He must have lied in his responses. Or at the very least, been evasive. And if he was evasive and you let him get away with it, then you’re complicit. I’m afraid I’m not buying that you really are that naive. Rather, I think you chose not to know and that makes you just as guilty as him.

Dating sites are notorious for being full of people — men and women — who are playing away, without any intention of ever leaving their spouse.

What’s interesting here is that, rather than give up before he was rumbled and move on to another woman, this chap has confessed. And that’s giving me pause for thought. Because here’s the thing — it could mean that he’s finally telling the truth. And he’s doing so because he is interested in a long-term relationship with you.

It doesn’t change the fact he was economic with the truth. But it does perhaps mean you could choose to give him the benefit of the doubt. But only for one more conversation.

If you truly believe he is getting divorced, ask him for proof. Tell him you might be willing to move forward with him if he can show you he is indeed divorcing.

If he shows you a letter or an email from a lawyer, then fine. You lied to yourself as much as he did to you. You can’t hold it against him without holding it against yourself, too.

So if he has finally come clean then put the lies behind you and move forward together. And if not? Well, you know the answer.