Ephraim Hardcastle
When each of Prince William’s children arrived, he telephoned the Queen before telling his father and then the Middletons. Protocol dictates the Queen is the first to be told of a royal birth. So what about harry? With Meghan’s mother reportedly in situ, she’ll know if it’s a boy or a girl before the monarch. Meghan should count herself lucky – Sajid Javid could have been at the end of her bed. Until 1948, all senior royal births had to be witnessed by the home Secretary.
FORMER Taoiseach Bertie Ahern accuses Jacob Rees Mogg of having no idea where the Irish border is, believing it to be ‘up around Dundalk or Newry with a gate on it’. Moggy replies: ‘Perhaps Ireland had a comedian as its leader before Ukraine.’
Retired Labour MP Glenda Jackson, 82, expresses admiration for Theresa May, saying: ‘There she is, slogging away, the only adult in the room... and she’s treated abominably. She’s still trying to deliver what the country has told Parliament they want to happen.’ Memo to the PM: etch Glenda’s name on your imminent, swansong honours list.
LORD Fowler, ranting at Squeaker John Bercow over his threat to veto President Trump’s address to Parliament, should urge Mrs May to follow Tony Blair’s 2003 example. He switched George W Bush’s venue to Whitehall’s Banqueting House – beyond the Speaker’s jurisdiction.
Brigitte Macron, pictured, a drama teacher when she first gambolled with her French president husband emmanuel – then a teenage pupil – is returning to the classroom in one of Paris’s most rundown suburbs, where her students will be unemployed youths. Chaperones tout pret!
FOLLOWING a Radio 4 interview with Line Of Duty actress Vicky McClure, when they briefly discussed the BBC drama’s mystery villain ‘H’, Today anchor Mishal Husain cheekily tells veteran colleague John Humphrys: ‘You’re our own Big H.’ Flustered John replies: ‘Oooh... yes, quite... I’m not going to go there.’
Grandstanding Manchester mayor Andy Burnham tells the BBC he won’t be inviting President Trump to his city, prompting Tory MP Jake Berry to point out that Chinese president Xi Jinping was there in 2015, adding: ‘If you criticise him, you get sent to a concentration camp.’ Blusters Burnham: ‘This is a different context.’ how so, Andy?
TORY peer Lady Noakes asks why HMRC refers to taxpayers as ‘customers’, adding: ‘The police and the courts do not talk about customers.’ Given that we can go to prison if we decline to co-operate with the tax authorities, shouldn’t it be ‘potential suspects’ rather than ‘customers’?
FIFTY Shades scribbler el James notes that the movie version is rated 18 in the UK and 12 in France, adding: ‘We [Brits] are a little uptight about that sort of thing.’