Straight to the POINT

÷ VAN DIJK has been voted the Professional F Footballers’ Association Player of the Year. His p paintings aren’t bad either. ALAN JACOBS, Biddenham, Beds. ÷ I STARTED on 1G; progressed to 2G, which was f fine for me; 3G was good from what I can r remember; but 4G was a complete blur. 5G? F Forget it, I will stick with two pints of Guinness. HARRY SMALLSHAW, Bolton, Lancs. ÷ GIVE the person who wants to call ships ‘it’ a p plank and invite them to go for a short walk. BOB LACEY, Eastbourne, E. Sussex. ÷ WHY are male-operated mechanical things called ‘she’? To redress the balance, I called my Honda CD175 motorbike Norman. FRAN CAMBETTIE-DAVIES, Carshalton, Surrey.

÷ I HOPE the till-free Sainsbury’s store (Mail) is not the beginning of a trend to exclude those of us who don’t have a smartphone.

J. SAYERS, Hastings, E. Sussex.

÷ SCRAP perks for the House of Lords (Letters)? No, scrap the House of Lords!

PATRICIA SUMMERS, Littleover, Derbys.

÷ MPs will be touring this summer in the musical Merrily We Roll Along, with Theresa May performing a rendition of I Did It My Way.

RAYMOND GRIFFIN, Doncaster, S. Yorks.

÷ CHECKING signatures on cheques for a bank (Letters), I queried one that looked as if a spider had crawled all over it. The customer, a builder, said: ‘The bearer wrote his name and the amount, and I signed it against a brick wall.’

ALMA LAWLER, Abergele, Conwy. FOR permission to copy cuttings for internal management and information purposes, please contact the Newspaper Licensing Agency (NLA), PO Box 101, Tunbridge Wells TN1 1WX. Tel: 01892 525273. e-mail: copy@nla.co.uk