Westminster wars

MY INSTINCTS were to support Gavin Williamson when he was sacked as Defence Secretary — until he said he ‘ swore on his children’s lives’ he hadn’t lied. The last man who swore on his kids’ lives to me, after I accused him of having an affair, turned out to have had a blonde secretary on the side for a year.

WHAT can save Theresa May now she’s been trounced at the local elections and is locked in a potentially lethal battle after sacking one of the few loyalists in her Cabinet? Only the arrival of a new royal baby will give her respite from the headlines. Come on Megs, your new country needs you!

WHEN Corbynite MP Fiona Onasanya was convicted of lying to police over a speeding offence, she said she was like Jesus, innocent yet persecuted. To her constituents, who have kicked her out, she resembled Jezebel — a deceitful princess who spent her last moments in denial, before servants threw her out of the palace window.