Bake Off Nadiya: My crippling anxiety since bullies flushed my head down toilet
SHE’S the bubbly mother of three who captured the nation’s hearts when she won The Great British Bake Off.
But Nadiya Hussain, who was crowned series winner in 2015, has revealed she has spent years fighting crippling anxiety.
In a brutally honest documentary, the 34-year- old has opened up about suffering from panic attacks for most of her adult life after bullies ‘flushed her head down the toilet’ at school.
She revealed her episodes are so bad she feels as if she is ‘going to die’ and something as small as a supermarket substituting a delivery ingredient can set it off.
‘Why am I making this documentary?’ she said. ‘Because I’m selfish. Because I want to get better. And partly because I know that having anxiety is probably one of the most lonely, most isolating things to have because you are your own worst enemy.
‘That feeling of worry is always there, it’s so heavy and it never goes away. I have a panic attack and it feels like I’m going to die.’
Before the programme she had never had a diagnosis. But after seeing a specialist GP, she was told she had high levels of anxiety and was possibly suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder after an incident at school. Mrs Hussain said: ‘I’ve had this feeling as long as I can remember. I was bullied in primary school for being dark. Last year of school they flushed my head down the toilet. I’ve tried to suppress it and dig deep and push it down.’
During the episode she undertakes Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to try and beat the attacks.
In one clip, the star baker says: ‘A voice tells me in my head I’m not good enough. I’m inadequate, I’m a bad mother, I’m the worst sister in the world, I’m the most disappointing daughter that ever
‘Voice tells me I’m not good enough’
lived. I can’t appreciate the fact I have beautiful children, a wonderful husband, an amazing family.’
In one session she begins to breathe deeply to control her feelings of panic – to then realise they only exacerbate it by bringing back traumatic memories.
‘It reminds me of that moment when I was hiding under the sink and my head was flushed down the toilets,’ she says. ‘I still have that memory of the water going up my nose and knowing that if they don’t pull me up now I am going to drown with my head in this toilet.’ But following therapy combined with support from her siblings and husband Abdal, she begins to control her anxiety. By the end of the episode she can present a cooking class to an audience while keeping her glasses on – something she never used to do as she would prefer not to see faces. She concludes: ‘I know my treatment isn’t finished and I know I’ve got a long way to go but I feel ready for it. I already see little glimmers. So I know there’s hope.’
Nadiya: Anxiety and Me will be aired on BBC One at 9pm on Wednesday, May 15.