SARAH VINE

MUCH has been written about the wonder of childbirth, but Prince Harry perhaps summed it up best when, announcing the arrival of his son to the nation, he lifted his hands to his temples in a universal gesture of disbelief and said: ‘How any woman does what they do is beyond comprehension.’

On behalf of the nation’s mothers, may I just say ‘thank you’. It’s nice to be acknowledged. Although, to be honest, most of us are not really sure how we do it, either.

The merciful thing about childbirth is that, however traumatic it turns out to be, however painful or difficult, the memory of the horror of it all seems to fade remarkably quickly. The worst bits are soon forgotten, replaced by a general non- specific feeling of hormoneinduced fuzziness and, if my experience is anything to go by, a strong desire for chocolate.

No doubt it is Mother Nature’s cunning way to ensure we come back for more. Were it not for the sponge of amnesia wiping clean the slate of memory, no woman in her right mind would even contemplate doing it again, and the human race would slowly grind to a halt.

SO

NOT only is it encouraging if someone like Harry shows such appreciation for his own wife — and mothers in general; it’s also vitally important for all the fathers out there to be reminded of what women go through. Because while mothers have a biological need to gloss over the finer details of what they, and their bodies, endure during childbirth, men do not.

All women become mothers the moment they give birth. But not all men become fathers straight away.

That is something they learn, over time, as the bond with their child grows and strengthens. And that’s the challenge facing every new parent like Harry, regardless of age or class or creed. Every man can glory in the wonder of parenthood in the aftermath of birth. It’s sustaining that sentiment that counts.

And it’s hard, especially in today’s world, where expectations of male parenthood are so high. Modern convention has it that fathers must be almost as hands-on as mothers, participating fully in the day-to-day minutiae of a child’s first weeks and months. But while society moves on, nature doesn’t change.

And that’s where reality and expectations often clash.

Truth is, having a baby almost always means an automatic — albeit temporary — demotion for new fathers. Even the closest and most loving of couples will have to adjust to the new space between them.

Men can go from being the centre of their partner’s world to being the third person in a new, often extremely intense love affair between mother and child.

It’s strange and unexpected: they can find themselves competing for affection with the very thing that is supposed to bring them all together as a family.

In some ways, it defies all logic. The new arrival has no manners, very poor personal hygiene and little respect for civilised convention. It can feel like a small tyrant has entered their lives, robbing them not only of the attentions of their beloved, but filling the home with strange new smells and endless plastic paraphernalia.

Add the presence of other females — in Harry’s case, his mother-in-law Doria, who has taken up residence in the couple’s new home — and it can be hard for a poor fellow not to feel overwhelmed.

In less enlightened times, this, perhaps, didn’t matter quite as much. Fathers were not expected to be as fully invested in the newborn as they are now, to be quite so au fait with the mysterious workings of breast pumps and babygrows.

They could just make themselves scarce, spend more time at work, retreat into the world of men.

But now equality has prevailed that the importance of shared parental leave is enshrined in law, the pressure on new dads to perform to expectations is just as pressing as for new mothers. They can’t just retire to the allotment if things get too much; they have to be at their partner’s side, or society will judge them lacking.

It’s good that young fathers like Harry feel this way. But as the days pass and the excitement of the event begins to fade as the novelty of a new baby gives way to the realities of family life, there may be times when fatherhood feels far from simple, far from the straightforwardly joyous journey it’s made out to be.

Then it will help to remember: how any woman does what they do may be beyond comprehension, but it doesn’t mean being a father is easy either. Those who succeed in doing it well (and I’m certain Harry will) deserve every bit as much praise and encouragement as the women who make it all possible.