Ephraim Hardcastle
THE Queen will, no doubt, be pleased at the abatement of the baby Sussex media frenzy in time for next week’s Royal Windsor Horse Show, an event she hasn’t missed since 1943. An added bonus is key supporter the Sultan of Brunei’s moratorium on stoning homosexuals. But she’ll still fret over human rights-abusing Bahrain’s sponsorship, with the expected royal pavilion selfie with its king. It will be a relief to HM to get to Royal Ascot with its mostly uncontroversial Qatari sponsorship.
WHEN Prince William’s three children were born a local council jobsworth visited Kensington Palace to save him the trouble of registering the births. Ditto Harry, who won’t have to venture to Maidenhead to register. He will be visited at Frogmore Cottage. Oh to be royal… though he’ll still have to pay the £11 birth certificate fee.
CHANGE UK bigwig Chuka Umunna says Jeremy Corbyn’s deification is one of the reasons he’s abandoned labour, telling GQ magazine: ‘At one of the last conferences I went to Jeremy was presented with a picture of himself with a halo on his head, and I thought, “This is crazy!” It demeans the members of a party when the leader is held up as a messianic figure.’ To misquote Monty python: ‘Jeremy’s not the Messiah. He’s just a very naughty boy.’
MARTHA Kearney’s post- Barcelona triumph BBC Radio 4 interview with Liverpool fan Damian Lewis, pictured, did not please Scouse devotees. They still recall the Old Etonian actor’s video last year in which he sang a Liverpool song, performing mock trumpet sounds. The Liverpool Echo unkindly concluded: ‘cringeinducing’ and ‘toe-curling’.
PRINCESS diana’s former chef darren McGrady warns Harry and Meghan: ‘I love them, I really do… but if they think they can turn the media on and off just to suit them they are in for the same shock his mom had. I know. I was there.’ Is McGrady trying to compete with fellow attentionseeking diana lackey paul Burrell?
BULGARIAN lawyer Sabina Vankova, mother of ex-MP Lembit Opik’s daughter, responds to his new girlfriend Alex Best being charged with drink-driving after a day with boozy Opik, by posting Twitter photographs of Opik, Alex and her late husband George Best, declaring: ‘Alcoholics with benefits.’ Alex has long insisted her relationship with former Cheeky Girl consort Lembit is purely platonic, claiming: ‘He’s not really my type.’ How could she resist!?
CONDE Nast’s managing director Albert Read, happily married to former Tatler editor Catherine Ostler, surely spluttered into his latte reading a Sunday Telegraph profile naming his wife as Kate Reardon, a previous Tatler editor amiable Albert parted company with in december 2017.
HOURS before baby Archie was named, annoying warbler Robbie Williams, whose daughter Teddy, six, was a bridesmaid at Princess Eugenie and Jack Brooksbank’s wedding last year, shares on Instagram his prediction: ‘Elvis!’ Not even close!