AN INSPECTOR CALLS

He pays his way... and tells it like it is

THAT charming photograph of the Queen Mother and her two daughters — the one of them practically cheek to cheek and looking infectiously happy — hangs on a wall near the entrance to the bar of Ye Olde Bell.

Elsewhere, there are pictures of the owners, who acquired the hotel in 2007, surrounded by their loyal staff; a few hunting scenes (including a comical mural of a huntsman trying to keep p control of his nag) and near the front ront door is a help-yourself coffee e trolley.

The big news at this 60room former coaching inn in Barnby Manor, r, near Retford, Nottinghamshire, ga. is the spa. ‘People come from far ar and wide,’ says a member er of staff.

Inns with names that at start with Ye Olde tend nd not to have spas. What at they do have — and this s is no exception — are re patterned carpets (faded ed and stained in parts); s); wood panelling; lots of brown furniture and music usic from several decades ago played just a touch too loud for comfort, such as Marvin Gaye’s Heard It Through The Grapevine.

Crucially, Ye Olde Bell is a welcoming sort of place. When I ask for a room with a bath, the keys immediately are switched and I’m directed to Room 5 on the first floor.

Before setting off, I’m warned about a steep step down into the room once you open the door. There are also a couple of steps up from a landing outside the bathroom to the bedroom, which has a carved wood headboard.

The room overlooks a flat roof and beyond that the busy A638.

You don’t find many bathrooms with linoleum flooring any more but you do here, complete with a tear-drop shaped white plastic bath. I’m paying £89 for bed and breakfast. The night I’m here the main 1650 restaurant is closed because, I’m told, ‘we’re short of staff today’ but I think it’s more a case of ‘we’re short of guests’. Instead, dinner is served in the brasserie next to the bar. My scallops followed by loin of lamb are both delicious, far better, frankly, than I expect. At a nearby table comprising four women, the dessert menu is just arriving. ‘No, I do don’t think so, do you?’ says one of them. ‘O ‘ Ooh I don’t know,’ say says another. ‘I think we should look . . . ’ say says a third. A And they do, with the re result that all four of them or order something or other. M My glass of wine comes with me to my room and we watch the news to together. In days gone by, tr travelling salesmen would ha have stayed at Ye Olde Bell ra rather than in a Premier In Inn — and felt more in the sw swim as a result. It’s a forgiving spot, but I ca can’t quite forgive being assaulted by Radio 2 at breakfast, complete with the traffic round-up at 7.45am and that weary old jingle that I’m sure Sir Terry Wogan found irritating after 20 years or so. Ye Olde Bell Hotel & Spa Barnby Moor, Retford Nottinghamshire DN22 8QS Tel: 01777 705121 yeoldebell-hotel.co.uk B&B double room from £89