Why village people love their slogans!
When you hear the words ‘ vision’ and ‘ brand’, you can be sure that a terrible idea will soon follow.
So it has proved in the village of Lancing, in West Sussex, where the Parish council set up a Lancing Vision Group a couple of years ago, in the hope of attracting more visitors.
In the past, Lancing has attempted to establish an identity for itself by claiming that it is the largest village in Britain.
This is an odd boast. After all, the whole point of villages is that they are small. Claiming to be the largest village is as silly as boasting that you own the warmest fridge, or that you are the tallest dwarf.
As it happens, no fewer than eight British cities — St Davids, City of London, Wells, Armagh, Bangor, St Asaph, Ripon and Truro — have smaller populations than Lancing.
The Lancing Vision Group has also commissioned a Lancing sign, showing five pretty little houses and a church, all nestling beneath a hill.
As it is, the population of Lancing is currently around 19,000. This means each pretty little house is occupied by 3,800 people. even allowing for surprisingly spacious cupboards and shelves, this sounds a bit cramped.
The Lancing Vision Group has also come up with the idea of rebranding the village LancingonSea, to rival Bexhill- on- Sea and Shoreham-by-Sea.
The only trouble with this is that, allowing for climate change, thousands of other places in Britain will soon be able to make a similar claim. Who knows? In 20 years’ time, signs along the M6 may well say Birmingham-on-Sea.
Finally, the Lancing Vision Group has devised a slogan, which it intends to put on a new set of roadsigns: Lancing-on-Sea. Be At The centre. This seems very weak. how many slogans did they reject before hitting upon Be At The Centre? Was there no call for Be On The Outskirts?
Perhaps The Lancing Vision Group should now be subject to a rebranding itself. Given its obvious love of hyphens, might I suggest The Lancing Lack- ofVision Group?
Otherwise, they might think of sending a bright spark over to America, where virtually every village, town, city and state seems to have a slogan.
Of course, some of their slogans
are better than others. The town of emerald Isle in north Carolina has the slogan, nice Matters, which seems a bit wishy-washy. Swanton, nebraska has the folksy slogan Dear hearts And Gentle People, while the slogan of Madisonville, Kentucky glows with optimism: The Best Town On earth.
Many towns choose to highlight their most famous feature: the state of Wisconsin includes the towns of Reedsburg: Butter Capital of America, Sauk City: Cow Chip Throwing Capital of Wisconsin and — my personal favourite — Green Bay: Toilet Paper Capital of the World.
Wisconsin itself employs two slogans: America’s Dairyland and the optimistic You’re Among Friends. America is not famous for its negativity, which makes the sign Where The Battle Wasn’t greeting visitors to Gettysburg in South Dakota doubly attractive.
Others are more deadpan and down-to- earth: Little Valley in new York State is simply A Municipal electric Community, and Bangor in Michigan carries the mixedmessage Train City USA In The heart of Apple Country. Perhaps the villagers of Lancing would prefer to seek inspiration in puns. The town of Gravity in Iowa welcomes visitors with the slogan We’ r e Down To earth. If Gravity Goes We All Go, and Moscow in Maine is Best Town By A Dam Site, while San Andreas in California has the downbeat It’s not Our Fault.
BUT
back to Lancing, which is probably best known for its public school, with its unfeasibly tall chapel towering menacingly over the surrounding landscape. It so happens that Sir Tim Rice is one of its most famous old boys. With his knack for lyrics, I’m sure he would be happy to lend a hand.
In many ways, Lancing is a lyricist’s dream, as it rhymes with two of the most popular words in the songwriter’s lexicon. Lancing: The Village For Romancing, or the jauntier Come Dancing In Lancing would both be a great improvement on Be At The Centre.
If, on the other hand, they decide to stick with Lancing-on-Sea, the slogan could be either enhancing Your Fee, to attract the financial community, or Glancing For Free, for voyeurs and/or nosy-parkers. With such a wealth of choice, who needs a vision?