Tell him you’re jealous of a ‘colleague’

I’m sorry you find yourself in this predicament, but the fact you recognise your emotions for the ugly things they are — envy, jealousy, resentment — means the battle is half-way won.

marriage is never easy, but it’s harder when you work in the same office. It’s tough enough working collaboratively, let alone in an environment where you might find yourselves competing for the same promotion.

However, you did choose to step out of the race. I can see how your husband’s success might make you envious, but your resentment is a different matter. It’s not his fault you took time out with the children and lost your footing on the greasy pole.

We men are fortunate enough (or unfortunate enough, if you like) not to go through all the wonderful and hideous things that women endure in pregnancy and childbirth. most of us have the utmost respect for the sacrifices you make to have a baby. But we can’t do it for you.

It’s wrong to begrudge your husband’s success when, presumably, his work has facilitated your time out. remember, you’re a partnership.

But that also means he could step up with the childcare now and let you focus on your career more than you have been. In this day and age, companies are more open to requests for flexibility — from women and men.

The problem you have is talking to him about all of this without sounding like you hate his success. I feel that if you sit down and tell him you’re jealous of a colleague’s career progression without, at first, revealing that colleague is him, you can take the heat out of it. Approach it as a neutral problem you want to share, and I’m sure he’ll understand. At which point you come clean and name the ‘colleague’! Hopefully, the conversation you really want to have now becomes easier.

If he’s less ambitious than you, suggest swapping places. Perhaps he can take up the slack at home while you go hell-forleather at work? maybe you could ask for a job share at a senior level? or, if you both want a full- on career, how can you make that work for the children? Take the feelings out of it and think in terms of practicalities and responsibilities.

Don’t confuse ambition for ability. To keep the family afloat it’s important to be honest about how you maximise your earning power. If he’s got two promotions in quick succession, he’s likely to be pretty good at what he does. If that’s the case, don’t ditch his career just to make a point.