Penny is missing a douse of Esther’s charms

Yesterday was a big day for new defence Minister Penny Mordaunt. she was making her first appearance at the despatch box since moving to the Ministry of defence after Gavin Williamson (Con, south staffordshire) was given his marching orders.

Here was an opportunity for the new woman in town to display her ministerial timbre. did she sparkle? did she rouse the House with stirring, eve-of-the-battle oratory? Well, not quite. Visually, Ms Mordaunt has an imposing presence. Perhaps it’s her headgirlish manner or that flicky thing she does with her hair, but there’s a natural authority to her.

On the surface, everything about her screams leadership material.

everything, that is, except her performances on the big stage. they’re always so terribly earnest.

yet there was certainly no shortage of goodwill for the new minister. as Ms Mordaunt stepped up to the oche, there were hearty ‘hear, hear’s from the government benches.

Warm words followed from one of her predecessors, sir Michael Fallon (Con, sevenoaks), who congratulated her on her ‘well-deserved promotion’. there was top greasing, too, from anne-Marie trevelyan (Con, Berwick Upon tweed), who said what a pleasure it was to see ‘an amazing woman’ on the frontbench.

even her opposite number Nia Griffiths (Lab, Llanelli) offered some graceful remarks.

The

first queries concerned relations with saudi arabia. stewart Mcdonald ( sNP, Glasgow south) suggested it was time to start unpicking our relationship with the saudis due to their unsavoury attitudes towards women.

tricky one for Ms Mordaunt, this. For as well as her defence brief, she is also equalities minister.

and so her response was that the UK needs to ‘lean in’ on our relationship with countries which mistreat women rather than retreat.

she then disappeared for much of the session as questions were taken by her new underlings: tobias ellwood, Mark Lancaster and stuart andrew. Fortunately there was not much chance of any of these dry biscuits outshining the new boss.

Luxuriantly-haired ellwood took the opportunity to point out that, since Ms Mordaunt’s arrival at the Mod, andrew was now the only defence minister who isn’t a military reservist. Poor andrew turned a darker shade of beetroot. When Ms Mordaunt returned, she was asked by Julian Lewis (Con, New Forest east) about Commodore Nick CookePriest, who has ludicrously been sacked as captain of the HMs Queen elizabeth for driving the ship’s official car at weekends.

Lewis made the reasonable point that Cooke-Priest’s sacking was not only a waste of talent but a waste of investment. Ms Mordaunt weakly said it was a matter for the royal Navy and Lewis gave a resigned shake of the head in return.

there was no reason to doubt Ms Mordaunt’s competence in listening to her replies. Nor was there that mild sense of alarm which came when watching the peculiar Williamson in the same brief.

But there was no dazzle, no humour. It was just dull.

What she was missing was a douse of esther McVey’s perky charms.

earlier in the day, the stylish Merseysider launched Blue Collar Conservatives – a campaign group aimed at ‘working people’.

the event was well attended. Iain duncan smith (Con, Chingford and Woodford Green), robert Halfon (Con, Harlow) and housing minister Kit Malthouse popped their heads round the door, though that might have been to do with the excellent sandwiches esther’s lackeys had knocked up.

esther is what diplomatic types might describe as ‘forthright’. she is not afraid of straight talk.

the tories, she said in that beguiling Cilla Black lilt, were in the doldrums after failing to deliver Brexit. a radical agenda was required to win disillusioned voters back, starting with ripping up our bloated foreign aid budget which could be better spent on police and education.

as for the next leader, esther insisted it must be someone who believed in Brexit, meaning someone who voted Leave in 2016. Handily, that leaves esther in the running.