FIVE QUICK WAYS TO LEARN TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND AGAIN
With habitual behaviour, the easiest way to change it is to start small. Making tweaks to the way you treat your spouse can have a huge pay-off . . .
1 NOTICE something good that your spouse has done (look for it, if you have to). Now, thank them for doing it — without any caveats. ‘Thanks so much for cooking dinner, but I think you used up all the Parmesan’ is not acceptable. Eventually, just like your mother said, thanking your partner will become a reflex, so that you’re making them feel good without even realising it — marital nirvana. 2 EVERY time you’ve said something snippy to your spouse, make up for it by saying or doing five nice things. I find early in the morning, straight after you both get home from work and last thing at night are easy times to get three of those out of the way. ‘Did you sleep well?’, ‘I’m so glad you’re home’ and your chosen version of ‘good night’. Two more and then it’s safe to talk about the unfolded laundry! 3 CELEBRATE your spouse’s victories. One interviewee told me when his wife’s paper got accepted in a prestigious academic journal, he printed out the email notification poster size and proudly stuck it on the front door. This works because not only are you appreciating your spouse, you are absorbing and enacting your admiration for them — which has a positive effect on you both. 4 ASK your spouse to do you a favour. This is most effective when the favour isn’t some onerous task anyone could do, but one that acknowledges their strengths. ‘How would you solve this issue I’m having with a colleague?’ would fall into this category. ‘Can you vacuum the car?’ would not.
5 SAY a prayer. Not the ‘please Lord, make it stop’ kind, but one focusing on your partner’s wellbeing. Whether or not you have religious beliefs, simply taking a moment to think about your hopes for them can help you to see your partner, or a conflict with them, in a different, more compassionate way.
It’s possible the meditative effects of prayer are similar to those of mindfulness and breathing techniques. And, of course, there’s always a chance it’s help from upstairs.