Life is empty without my beloved dog

Three years ago, when I published my book on pet bereavement (Goodbye Pet & See You In heaven) a reader wrote to berate me for ‘banging on about dogs’. he told me that it was sentimental to ‘go on about’ the death of a pet. Then came the painful truth: his wife had Alzheimer’s and that to him was a real tragedy to make anybody feel desperately sad. Naturally, I wrote back with great kindness, because of his grief at the ongoing loss of his wife.

But I also had to point out, gently, that there are many people whose pets become the centre of otherwise lonely lives, so their grief at the loss of a beloved animal is terrible. When my little dog Bonnie died at the end of 2105 I was desperately miserable, even though I am lucky enough to be surrounded by family. So you can imagine how much sympathy I am sending to you now — as I really do understand your sorrow.

What many people don’t understand is that one loss can start you brooding on other sorrows. I rather dislike using the buzzword ‘trigger’, but that really is how it works.

I was touched to see that you added a (seemingly random) comment about your stillborn baby. It didn’t surprise me, because

in my book I explained how the loss of my little dog set me thinking again about the baby who died in 1975. Why? I don’t know.

But I wrote in my book: ‘A sinkhole opens in your life and in you slide, wondering how deep this will go….When the tears came into my eyes because Bonnie was no longer with me, I was also crying for all the other things that had gone.’

I went on to specify my stillborn son, my first marriage (ended by my husband after 35 years), my adult children leaving home, and the sense of getting older.

All of which is present in your short cry for help. While you are not actually asking me for anything, you just want to be heard. And countless kind readers who have mourned an adored pet will be listening in sympathy. But I will send more than that.

You are a youthful 65, living alone, feeling sad, missing the companionship of your dog.

My advice: don’t wait too long before you channel the love your dog taught you — by going to a rescue centre and giving a home to another pet?

That’s what we did. No dog ‘replaces’ another — they just run side by side, with one of them invisible. You’ve had enough taken away from you, why not add a new best friend?