Curling her claws around the despatch box, the PM shot Sir Vince a briny glare
sees Theresa May provoke the biggest Tory roar in months
WELL, well. It seems even lame ducks still quack every now and again. Theresa May enjoyed a decent PMQs yesterday. How long has it been since we were last able to say that?
Garden sweet peas were probably mere seedlings. Button-nosed hedgehogs may still have been hibernating in compost heaps. It may even have been when some people were still taking Chuka Umunna seriously.
The PM looked relaxed. Loose. Judging by her sturdier complexion, her head appears to have met a pillow in recent weeks. Doubtless the deflections of the Tory leadership contest have done her good. There were
moments when she appeared to be enjoying herself.
She provoked by far the biggest roar from her own side this year – which was all the more impressive considering how sparsely the session was attended. There was more green visible on the government benches than on Wimbledon Centre Court. The acclamation came when Sir Vince Cable rose creakily to ask her about education funding.
His query turned out to be of little interest to her. With glee, she addressed some recent comments Sir Vince (another party leader heading for the exit door) had made to her local newspaper suggesting she was likely to stand down as an MP later this year.
Politics has occupied a large chunk of Mrs May’s life – some might say to an unhealthy degree. So the accusation she will toss it all in à la Blair and Cameron riled her.
Rising to her feet slowly, the PM curled her claws around the despatch box and shot Sir Vince a glare so briny it could have soured freshly-uddered milk.
She was going nowhere, she announced. Moreover – and this seemed to offend her more – he had also got the name of her constituency wrong (he’d said ‘Windsor and Maidenhead’ rather than just ‘Maidenhead’). ‘Wrong on prediction, wrong on facts, typical Lib Dem – wrong on anything,’ she wailed. Hurrah!
She had already seen off Jeremy Corbyn with a perfunctory wave of the hand. Mr Corbyn had wanted her to embarrass Jeremy Hunt and Boris Johnson for endorsing the possibility of a No Deal Brexit, although she is firmly against one.
The PM wasn’t biting. She just repeated her shtick that if Labour was so against No Deal, it should have voted for EU Withdrawal Agreement.
As ever when he fails to make headway, Corbyn got shouty. ‘This government is now irrelevant,’ he barked as though this were a newlyformed observation.
He’s been saying this, of course, for the past three years. ‘Sez ‘im, sez ‘ im!’ yelled Simon Hoare ( Con, North Dorset) by way of response. His rowdy neighbour, Alec Shelbrooke (Con, Elmet and Rothwell), let out a girly squeal of laughter.
Down in front of them sat erstwhile frontbencher Andrea Leadsom, smiling coquettishly amid the melee as though enjoying her first outing on the footbccall terraces.
The Speaker allowed the session to go on too long as usual, meaning the chamber began to empty before time was called.
ASSir Nicholas Soames (Con, Mid Sussex) exited, I spotted him giving colleague Tim Loughton (Con, East Worthing and Shoreham) what playground bullies call a ‘rusty nipple’, causing Loughton to emit that sound that shot German soldiers used to make in Commando war comics: ‘Aiiiiee!’
Earlier, we’d had Northern Ireland Questions, a session when Labour’s shadow minister Stephen Pound (Ealing North) is always good for a few laughs. Turned out it was his birthday.
He tried to lure his opposite number, Karen Bradley, for a celebratory sweet sherry in the Strangers’ Bar later. Bradley said she had to get back to Belfast. ‘I’ll drink yours!’ he chortled.
He then mocked Boris Johnson’s aspirations to be ‘ father of the nation’. ‘ To be fair,’ he remarked, ‘he does have some expertise in the field of paternity.’
Uncalled for! Pound’s a rascal but I like him.