I’d go back to my hotel room and cry
Andrew ‘Beef’ Johnston on his struggle with life in the spotlight
Andrew ‘ Beef’ Johnston has opened up on how his golf dream turned sour and left him crying in his hotel room at night.
The 30-year- old englishman became a folk hero with stunning play in 2016, when he came to prominence with a rousing performance at the Open at royal Troon, where he finished eighth. He went to America and, with his easy personality, was such a hit he finished above even Tiger woods in a poll for the golfer most fans liked to watch.
However, with the fame came a dark side. As he lost his form his private life fell apart and the struggle to adapt left him with ongoing mental health issues.
‘You’ve got to remember, I’m just a normal geezer from Finchley, and the next thing I’m above Tiger in the poll,’ Beef revealed, in a moving and candid blog on the european Tour’s website.
‘I was thinking, what was going on? To get your head around that is very tough, and then came the pressure I put on myself to perform. I came back from America (in 2017) and finished around 20th at the BMw PGA Championship at wentworth and thought I’d failed. I played in the Open, finished low 20s, and I was fuming — failed again. That slowly built up. I could date it back to then, when my mindset changed and I wasn’t happy on the golf course.’
His dramatic decline continued last year, when he registered just three top 10 finishes in 20 appearances on the european Tour. ‘I split up with a long-term girlfriend in the middle of the year and then my flat got broken into, which I found really unsettling,’ he wrote.
‘By August, I could definitely feel I wasn’t quite right, and not my usual self. I was angry. I was wound up. I just thought it was the golf. I didn’t realise what was happening. It felt like every week was really tough. I was trying to practise more, do more, and I didn’t realise that I was just slowly burning myself out.
‘ I came off the course on Sunday at the nedbank Challenge in november and couldn’t even bring myself to get my clubs from the locker. I just left them. I went straight back to the hotel and cried.
‘I nearly walked off the course at the Australia PGA a few weeks later. I hit two bad shots, and I couldn’t mentally handle it at all. I had no idea what was going on. I came off there and cried.
‘I knew then that something wasn’t right.’
Johnston’s problems continued at the start of this year, when he played poorly and split from his long-time caddie, before he took a break and sought professional help. ‘I started working with the psychologist Ben davies, piecing it all together,’ he confessed.
‘we sat down and talked about the change in mentality. I had an amazing year in 2016, going out to America, but if I could do it all again, I would do it very differently.
‘ The attention I got was just crazy but, until I started working with Ben and he broke it all down, I didn’ t realise the underlying pressure I was putting on myself to perform.
‘I was called a fat f*** a few times in the States. But you’re in the public eye, and you have to have that bulletproof skin. As I’ve learned, it’s such fine margins, for the mindset to change and you’re sitting in a hotel room crying.’
Johnston believes he is on the road to recovery. After a threemonth break he has finished in the top 60 in each of his last four events. He is engaged to Jodie and they are expecting their first child.
‘I’ve been myself a lot more, I’m happy,’ said Johnston. ‘I realise I’ve got a long way to go with this. It’s still early days for me working with Ben but already I’m able to manage my mind better and understand things more.
‘The goal now is to get back playing in the majors. But also, to enjoy it as well.’