Daisy the cow was an udder disgrace

I bought some strawberry plants last year; I wish I hadn’t done it. The slugs have eaten all of them; I should have bought a punnet. To accompany them I’d bought a cow — I thought I’d make some cream, But while I was watching tennis I heard a fearsome scream. My neighbour’s fence was flattened, His greenhouse was no more. Prize-winning orchids scattered, Pots broken on the floor. Flowerbeds were trampled The lawn had come out worse. The neighbour went berserk — You should have heard him curse.

’Cause there amongst the debris And the washing disarray Sat Daisy in the Jacuzzi Draped in a negligee. She looked so very happy Unaware she’d caused such troubles, Munching on some homegrown leeks And blowing methane bubbles. Sadly Daisy had to go Before she caused more harm. I sold her down the market To a man from a petting farm. She’s enjoying life on the farm, I’m told, And she’s quite a celebrity. She’s best friends with a donkey And gives rides to the kids for free. My neighbour built a 10ft wall. I think that’s quite extreme. This year I’ll go to Wimbledon For my strawberries and cream. Margaret Bothamley, Thorney, Cambs.