Your friend will never forgive you
STEPH SAYS:
PleAse do not do this. You are setting yourself up for a very difficult time.
lets break this down. his last relationship ended only three months ago, for the very reason that he did not want to settle down! Moreover, the current trend for dating apps has made it incredibly easy for people to set up one- night stands or three-week-stands or whatever it might be. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, if that’s what you’re looking for.
But you say you want a partner, not a fling. Ask yourself how likely it is that a bloke in his early 40s, a few months out of a serious relationship with a partner who was pushing for marriage, is really looking to settle down right now? exactly.
second, I imagine he is more than aware you are on the dating scene. After all he popped up on your app — you may well have popped up on his! And he hasn’t made a move.
he may have caught your attention after you had a little flirt at a party, but you clearly haven’t caught his or he would have been in touch.
By contacting him you are risking huge rejection — and not just from him but from your friend as well! she is clearly devastated by her break-up with this man and you pursuing him now will end in disaster!
she will never forgive you if you chase the man who broke her heart. You shouldn’t do it.
What I suggest you should do instead is ask yourself why you are even considering this? It seems to me that you might be lowering your personal standards, which would indicate that you’re not feeling emotionally strong. Don’t put yourself in a position where your potentially fragile self-esteem will likely be rocked further.
I suggest you take a long hard look at your other relationships and re- evaluate their worth. Friendships can be just as fulfilling as romantic relationships — and sometimes more so. I’m genuinely concerned for you that you may not see that.
I think that deep down you know you shouldn’t deliberately hurt your friend in this way. You know that there is an unspoken pact between good friends. If you are seeking permission to break it, I’m afraid you won’t get that from me.
I believe that sisterhood is a sacred and precious gift and my wish for you is that you spend some more time with your girl friends, drink some wine, set the world to rights and realise you’re absolutely fine on your own.