Carrie On Downing St? I just hope it doesn’t end in tears

Dude, he has got to energise the country, he has got to get Brexit done pronto to prove to all the gloomsters and doomsters he is the booster rooster who can deliver the goodsters.

So where does that leave his girlfriend, the green activist and whale lover Carrie Symonds?

Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s ascension to power will either propel her into an influential position at his side, or leave her utterly bereft somewhere along the way; another lovesick starfish washed up on the tarry shores of Boris’s surging sea of lust.

On Wednesday, when he delivered his powerful debut speech outside No 10, Carrie was not in the traditional spousal position; at his side, looking meek but proud, with a glint of terror around the eyes.

Instead, she was off to her Bozzie Bear’s right, front and centre among the backstage staffers and political aides, with a certain hardness frosting her gaze as she regarded the cameras pointing in her direction.

She was wearing a sweet pink Gilead dress, her lips glossed in a matching shade of subservience. It was an outfit that made her look like Country Mouse Melania; all mermaid hair, girlish decorum and let me hang that jacket up, darling.

Why, it was almost as if she wanted everyone to forget that nasty incident a few weeks ago, when neighbours overheard her screaming at Boris to ‘get off me’ and ‘get out of my flat’.

It is expected that she will move into downing Street with Boris — next week is the rumour.

There was a time when the selection of such a man, one with a rackety past and an unstable home life, would have been unthinkable by the party of family values, something only the French would tolerate.

however, socially and politically we are in uncharted waters, with a PM who is still married but almost two years into a relationship with a woman 25 years his junior. What are the chances of this love affair ending well? With the best will in the world, I would suggest zero to nil.

Yet the nation must prepare itself for a new First Girlfriend to be installed, which will certainly take some heat off the duchess of Sussex, who must be delighted at events.

So who is this fascinating new creature who has captured Boris’s heart and fired a deadly cannonball through the tattered ramparts of his marriage.

everyone, or at least those who wish to foster good relations with Boris, speaks of her brilliance when a Pr working in the Conservative Press Office. Insiders praise her ‘ intelligence and instinct’, her ‘political antennae’ and ‘innovative and brave’ social media campaigning.

So she is good on Twitter? To be frank, I’ve seen no evidence of Carrie Symonds’s legendary Pr skills, nor read a single post of hers that was original or thought-provoking. The most interesting thing she did was to throw a plate at Boris’s head — must give the girl credit for that!

rather than building her up as a publicity supremo, is it not more likely she is just another ambitious millennial SPAd, banging on about oceans and self-care while scrolling through Instagram and eating edamame beans?

how is it going to work when Boris comes home from a hard day’s Junckering and she is crying about plastic in the South China Sea and the plight of tadpoles?

however, she seems a lovely person and has clearly charmed many senior political figures (always pushovers for a blonde) while impressing those in the charity and media worlds.

Yet no matter how clever Carrie is, she is still a young woman in love with an older man who has a terrible romantic reputation; one who believes monogamy is a bourgeois convention. A man she thinks that she alone can change, the poor deluded thing.

For Boris is one of those serial seducers who charges through life like a horny rhino, leaving a trail of broken hearts and trampled dreams in his wake. Two wives, assorted mistresses, an abortion, a miscarriage and at least one illegitimate child?

The sad consequences of his priapic behaviour is stitched through his tapestry like a ribbon of shame. And that is not to mention the persistent humiliations visited on wife Marina, with whom he has four children.

She took him back three times after various peccadilloes, but found his relationship with the dazzling Carrie to be one friendship too far.

how sad that after her long years of sufferance and support, it is not Marina and the kids who will be sharing in his triumph.

Instead, it is to be Carrie, the girl from nowhere with her cherished marine conservation concerns, who will soon be everywhere.

No 10 has never seen anything like the Boris & Carrie Show and one can only hope it runs and runs.

despite misgivings, I wish them well and hope this ambitious and most modern couple will thrive in the spotlight and bring comfort and support to each other in the difficult times ahead.

For like the endangered angelshark and poor old bluefin tuna, they’ll need all the help they can get.