Daily Mail

You can’t force yourself to fancy him

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STEPH SAYS:

AFTEr reading your letter, i cautiously mentioned the issue to some of my girlfriend­s and discovered this is a common problem. You are far from alone in your dilemma.

it appears to be the underlying, unspoken truth of every holiday: the man always expects sex.

it’s all a bit baffling, as it’s not like the temperatur­e being a few degrees higher turns wives into sex-hungry nymphos!

From what i gather, the theory is that the minute you are on holiday, unencumber­ed by the strains of daily life, everyone relaxes and, miraculous­ly, sex becomes the main focus.

in fairness, for some people it does; but, for many, it does not — and this is where the problem arises. The expectatio­n that a couple will have sex tirelessly is stressful and very much a rose-tinted view. Let’s face it, no matter how dark your sunglasses, they will not turn your husband into George Clooney!

But, in all seriousnes­s, what you need is a solution, not a temporary fix. This is not about getting through the holiday, it’s about solving a distressin­g, long-term problem.

Give in to the temptation to dodge the issue and, before you know it, this will become the elephant in the room for all future holidays together.

The reality is that couples change and evolve with age. There are phases to a life spent together. After the heady days of courtship, couples often move on to having children — and this changes everything.

Thereafter the child-rearing often makes you too tired even to consider a sex life. And the situation you face now is equally challengin­g.

Your children are on their way to being independen­t, leaving you peering at each other over the cornflakes, wondering who each of you is. Men often expect everything to revert to the way it was before — after all, life hasn’t changed that much for them in the intervenin­g years.

Of course, not all women feel the hormonal crash that comes with age, but they understand the issue. And it is a real issue, not a choice.

This is a crucial distinctio­n: we do not have any control over our fluctuatin­g sexual desire.

However, you must involve your partner in the changes you are experienci­ng. He will be reassured you are not moving away from him, but are asking him for support. remember: none of this is your or his fault. There’s no room for blame.

so grasp the nettle and talk to him. Let’s face it, no amount of holiday margaritas will make this one go away.

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