Daily Mail

Don’t berate him for wanting you . . .



FirsT things first, don’t beat yourself up about this. What you’re experienci­ng is normal. The territory of life changes as we get older and the barometer in the bedroom changes, too.

in the early days of our relationsh­ips, we all get a lot of sex and little sleep and, over the years, that balance tips.

i certainly understand the effort it must take for both of you to work full-time and bring up two rambunctio­us kids. it’s exhausting! Also, you must not forget that to have a child is to bring another person into your relationsh­ip. You are no longer just the two of you — you are now four!

This impacts on all areas of our lives, and it’s ridiculous to think otherwise. really, let’s not pretend we’re all at it like we were when we were 20. relationsh­ips simply aren’t like that.

Biology is simply not like that. i know one happy couple who haven’t had sex for ten years. A decade has passed, but it hasn’t affected their love for one another. Their relationsh­ip has changed, but not diminished. sex is, after all, a habit. it’s a very enjoyable one, but a habit nonetheles­s. The more you have it, the more you want it — and the less you have it, well, the less you can be bothered.

Getting back into the habit can be difficult.

it’s not just women who change as they age — men do, too, and it can be daunting to pick things up where they left off.

For you and your husband, it’s been a year. When you go on holiday, you’ll both be relaxed, you’ll be in a bikini, he’ll be in shorts, there’ll be flesh on display . . . i’m not surprised you think he’ll want to have sex.

And here is an important point: there’s nothing wrong with that. Your husband must not be chastised for wanting to make love to his wife.

i’m delighted to hear you are the best of friends. That’s a good place to start. You must now tell your husband how you feel. Talk to him. Explain that you love him, but don’t want to have sex. The not-having-sex part is not that much of a problem — the problem is you not telling him.

Let him chase you round the swimming pool and be rebuffed and he will, understand­ably, be hurt. rejection can be incredibly difficult for a man. so tell him

before it comes to turning him down and spare his blushes.

A marriage is about love, not sex. Tell him how you feel, shield him from the pain of rejection and enjoy your life — and your holiday — together!

The more you talk about the issue, the less of an issue it will become. You may even find that you change your mind.

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