It’s a bad case of coulda-woulda-shoulda

DOM SAYS:

You saY you are happily married, and for that I say congratulations. It’s rather rare these days. and I’m delighted for you that you have a 13-year-old daughter. It seems you have been lucky in the lottery of life.

I have to say I’m slightly baffled as to why you want to upset the apple cart for someone you haven’t seen for 25 years. a quarter of a century is a long time. a lot of water has run under the bridge since you were university chums.

I understand he was an adonis back then, and I’m sure he was charming, as well as popular and good fun, but that doesn’t mean he’s the same now. But you really shouldn’t care if he is — you are married, after all.

I recently met up with friends I haven’t seen for decades and, quite naturally, I took my wife with me. Why on earth would I not? I’m not a single man, and I wouldn’t want anyone to mistake me for one, either.

If you were telling me you wanted to be friends and to take your husband, too, then I’d have no objection, but I’m afraid that’s not the case. What I think is happening here is that you are nostalgic for that intense feeling of young love — even unrequited young love can be a rush.

But it’s not real! You had a huge crush on this chap and now you’ve got a bad case of ‘coulda-woulda- shoulda’. You are living in fantasy land, but you must not allow this to damage your reality.

I suggest you try to get a grip on your feelings. First, ask yourself, if he is so super duper, why is he divorced?

Then, you must consider the fact that he didn’t pick you 25 years ago. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. If he didn’t want to go out with you at university, why would that be different now? It is possible that, recently divorced and feeling a little bruised, he is seeking out those who knew him in his glory days.

He wants to rekindle his view of himself as a young buck, as much, if not more, than he is looking to rekindle a former flame.

Have you thought that he might have known about your crush? Perhaps he is simply seeking the rush of warmth that comes from the knowledge that someone else hankers after you.

Why would you risk the feelings of your husband, and the fate of your daughter, to flatter a man you once knew?

I think you must stop this childish fluttering.

I strongly suggest you unplug yourself from the conversation. step away from the keyboard, delete him and don’t meet up with him.