Specs that fit! But no Grisham reveal Corbyn so badly needed
FRIday night, bottle of cab sav on the go and oh, goody gumdrops, yet another television election debate for our delectation. Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn were back at it again last night, this time for the BBC’s head-to-head, the last scheduled television face-off of the campaign. Praise be to God.
I know it’s not really on to so wilfully trash the product that keeps us sketch writers in silk stockings, but surely just one of these dratted things would have been sufficient.
did we learn anything new? Not really, but with a commanding lead in the polls, Boris’s task was simply not to cock it up.
However, he did considerably better than that... focused, sharp, light on his occasional propensity for frivolity. In terms of gravitas, this was undoubtedly his weightiest showing of the campaign.
Corbyn meanwhile needed a big night. He desperately needed that John Grisham-style big reveal, but decided not to even bother going for it. The kindest thing you can say of the old boy is he wasn’t quite as hopeless as you’d expect.
Maidstone, that staunchly Conservative enclave of Kent, was where the Beeb decided to take the audience of 100 ‘people from all backgrounds, all walks of life,’ we were told.
This was the same studio where they film Supermarket Sweep. apt, considering Corbyn’s free-for-all economic plans.
Once again, for reasons unknown, the stage was designed to look like a sci-fi flick set. We could have been peeking into Princess Leia’s boudoir. It was a mercy Boris and Jezza didn’t emerge amid a flurry of dry ice in all-in-one spandex.
Master of ceremonies for the evening was Today presenter Nick Robinson.
Slick as cold-pressed oil he was too, excellent, but as Frankie Howerd observed of late Question Time host Robin day: ‘Oooh those cruel glasses – cruel yesss – aren’t they missus?’
Incidentally, he and Boris are old sparring partners from their Oxford Union days. another of their university contemporaries, US pollster Frank Luntz once told me Robbo was always considered by his peers to be the sharper operator.
‘Two leaders who want to convince you they’re fit to be prime minister’ was how Robinson introduced the debate.
Cue swooshing camera angles and some portentous music – one suspects a work experience lad spent all of 30 seconds on a desktop synthesizer.
Both leaders were permitted an opening statement. Jezza at last seemed to have procured a pair of specs which actually fit his face. Tie needed a press though.
also, might voters take him more seriously if he got rid of that ridiculous beard? Just a thought. Boris’s monologue was interrupted by Corbyn grumpily clearing his throat. On to the questions. Someone wanted to know what either of them thought of the refusal by their predecessors Sir John Major and Tony Blair to endorse them. Bovvered, was the sum of their response.
The thorny issue of Brexit followed. Boris gave his stock line about his deal being oven ready.
Corbyn said Boris’s deal would mean he’d end up spending seven years negotiating with the US, which came across as a back-handed compliment, since I’d wager pretty decent wonga that Boris won’t be PM in seven years’ time.
yawn, yawn. It was all pretty gloopy, like wading through thick mulligatawny.
Corbyn brought up the hard border in Northern Ireland. Boris queried why someone who supported the IRA was now expressing such concern about the Union. This won the first round of applause of the evening.
THE NHS was where Corbyn was supposed to get some runs on the board. Predictably, he reiterated his claim the Tories were trying to flog the Health Service off to donald Trump.
Boris bent his knees and shook his head incredulously. ‘ Pure Bermuda Triangle stuff!’ he responded. Cue audience laughter. Corbyn accused the Tories of opposing the creation of the NHS. ‘you’re now going back to the 1940s, Jeremy,’ Boris sighed. Maiden over bowled.
There was a brief discussion on socialism. Corbyn cited Scandinavian governments as proof it can be made to work. Not Venezuela, I noticed!
Boris rightly got some good mileage on national security when the issue of the London Bridge atrocities was raised. He kept bringing up Corbyn’s mysterious Brexit policy. ‘Forty minutes and I don’t know what it is!’
all in all, a highly satisfactory night’s work for the PM. anyhoo, that’s quite enough television debates for this election, thank you. Next week: Crunch time.