Christmas Rhymes for Our Times

ELF AND SAFETY

Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh o’er the fields we go laughing all the way . . . A RISK assessment must be submitted before the open sleigh is deemed safe for members of the public. It must also be considered whether it is appropriate to employ only one horse for this activity, depending on size of sleigh and the persons upon it. Note that permission from landowners must be gained prior to entering fields. Please also consider those who choose not to participate in Christmas festivities, and keep laughter to a moderate level not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While shepherds watched Their flocks by night all seated on the ground The angel of the lord came down and glory shone around. REQUIRING shepherds to watch their flocks without appropriate and flexible seating arrangements is a contravention of health and safety regulations and human rights. The provision of benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs is recommended. The angel of the Lord is also reminded that before shining his or her glory around, all shepherds must be issued with suitable eyewear conforming to British Standards for filtering harmful effects of UVA, UVB and glory.