How I love living next to my son
TEN years ago today I awoke for the first time in our new home — my breath a cloud in the freezing air of the bedroom. We’d moved from a comfortable, elegant Bath home to an ancient farmhouse which needed masses doing to it, situated in a rather ugly little village towards Bristol. And I hated it.
Why the move? My son was desperate to leave London with his girlfriend (now wife) and start a new life and business. The only way this was achievable was for me to find a house with a separate cottage. So he sold his flat, bought into this property — and our experiment in ‘shared’ living began.
For the first six months I was miserable, moaning while my husband stoically started making improvements. The other two were happy as larks.
Last night we toasted that bitter January day in 2010, when the removal men piled up my life in boxes and the old Aga gave up the ghost. Now I can honestly say I have never been happier.
My son and I became faintly irritated with each other over Brexit — but that’s par for the course, isn’t it? And when I got a third little dog he felt that, as we share vital dog care, I should have talked it through with him — which was right. Chatting about choices is essential when you live like this.
But the four of us have never exchanged a cross word in ten years. How come? I’ve been thinking about this, since many family quarrels arrive in my postbag.
I think the key is stepping back. My daughter-in-law (whom I adore and admire) has her own home, her own way of doing things, and I don’t believe it’s the role of a mother/motherin-law to interfere — or even express views, unless asked.
We’re here to help with the two grandsons, if needed. Otherwise we live our life and they live theirs — in matey independence. We need to treat family as we should neighbours, friends and colleagues . . . with respect.
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.