Is it just ME?

Are podcasts for dogs just barking mad?

IN CASE you think the modern-day pet’s life of bespoke collars and organic, biodynamic diets is not quite chi-chi enough, Spotify now has personalised pet playlists and a podcast designed for dogs.

Though I often leave Radio 3 on for my pets when I leave the house, I now should feel hot shame at neglecting their cultural enrichment. Spotify claims it has a curated playlist of 30 tunes, based on your pet’s character attributes.

I have a border terrier, Barney; a Dandie Dinmont terrier, Gracie; and a Burmese cat, Dixie.

I ran them all through the Spotify personality quiz. Barney got a sombre combination, including Leonard Cohen and Fauré’s Requiem. Gracie got You Send Me, and La Vie En Rose — basically, the soundtrack to a tragically unmade Nora Ephron film. Dixie’s suggestions included No Love, No

Nothin’ sung by Marlene Dietrich, which sounds about right for my cat.

I was considerably more interested in the podcast than my dogs — who wouldn’t love the treaclevoiced Ralph Ineson (The Office) whispering into their ear ‘Hello you! I’ve got good news. Today is another lovely day!’ Or the kind-butfirm head girl, Jessica Raine (Call The Midwife) trilling, ‘You know something that’s brilliant about a dog like you? You help people make friends.’ Wag, wag, wag.

The podcast also includes music and ambient sounds, such as park noises, rain and trees rustling, designed to alleviate stress.

Certainly, music and other soothing sounds are helpful to mask stressful noises, such as sirens, traffic or fireworks, but the most carefully curated playlist is no substitute for what pets really crave, which is time spent with you.

The most carefully curated playlist is no substitute for what they really crave - you.