Can you Zoom REALLY yourself Zen?
Happiness lessons live from Mexico. Shiatsu self-massage. Even surfing in your back garden. As some of the world’s best spas host ‘virtual retreats’ . . .
No doubt about it, this pandemic has sucked a lot of joy out of life. Whether it be a drink with friends in the pub or a two-week break in the sun, the prospect of anyone having any fun ever again seems to have all but vanished. in the short to medium term — and the wellness industry, born in large part out of people’s desire to find meaning and balance in a frenetic world, is having to adjust.
Products and treatments designed to counteract the effects of long working hours, stressful office environments and gruelling commutes, suddenly have less purpose in a world where many are now working from home, whether they like it or not.
Classes from yoga to Pilates to CrossFit and beyond are all cancelled; gyms and clubs are closed. the booming health tourism market, which was worth around £700 billion last year and, before Covid-19, was projected to hit more than £900 billion by 2022, has taken a massive hit, grinding to a halt along with every other area of the hospitality/leisure industry.
Although many shops and businesses are now preparing to reopen, this whole sector is at the back of the queue.
It’s no surprise, then, that so many clubs, clinics, salons and gyms are
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same
AUDREY HEPBURN
diversifying online, in a bid to guide their businesses through the crisis and out the other side.
You can attend virtual classes in almost anything, from mindfulness to Barrecore to eyebrow threading, but go on a whole wellness retreat virtually? Can it really be done? Here, four writers put the latest trends to the test …
THE MEXICAN HAPPINESS RETREAT Daisy Waugh
VIRTUAL RESORT: Mexico’s Grand Velas resorts Wellnessing Getaway Online ( velasresorts.com).
COST: Free access to a one- day virtual retreat via pre-recorded Youtube videos, including a sunrise workout and classes on happiness, nutrition, anxiety, art therapy, dance, yoga and sound therapy.
NEXT ONE: Available any time at magazine.velasresorts.com i WAs feeling a bit frayed — who isn’t? — and then up popped this: an invitation to spend a day finding ‘Elevated Bliss’ at the Grand Velas five-star spa hotel in Mexico.
Obviously, things being as they are, the invitation didn’t actually include travelling to Mexico. i only had to get to my computer.
From 10am Mexican time, and for all that Mexican day, this internationally renowned resort hotel would be running a Wellnessing Getaway Online from its Facebook page directly into my sitting room in West London.
Better still, it was free: a bargain of godly proportions when you consider that a 24-hour non-virtual ‘wellnessing’ experience at Grand Velas costs up to $1,400 (£1,149).
the six-hour time difference was always going to be a hurdle. the Grand Velas journey to ‘Elevated Bliss’ began with a fat-burning Energetic sunrise class. sunrise in Mexico starts at our 4pm — about the time (quite early, due to quarantine boredom) my countdown begins for the first glass of gin.
if i stuck with the timetable, Deborah Hanekamp, a ‘medicine reading healer’ (no, i don’t know what that means either), would be teaching me how to transform my ‘bathroom into a healing space’ at around midnight. And roberto Gopar would be live-streaming ‘the multiple benefits on a physical, mental and spiritual level’ of his sound therapy session at 2am, by which time i would have long since passed out to the therapeutic sound of my own snoring.
i’m going to skip over the Energetic sunrise session because there was nothing elevated or blissful about it: a pre-recorded cardio workout with a shiny blonde dame in running pants, standing in front of a wooden wall which didn’t even attempt to resemble paradise or Mexico or a beach. she shouted out things like: ‘squeeze those glutes!’
the next session, Full Body
Workout with rachel Devaue, wasn’t any more elevating: a different dame (also pretty, but with dark hair) stood in a modern kitchen, shouting: ‘Engage that core!’
session No 3 (also pre-recorded) was a talk on the science of Happiness, in which wellness expert, author and former model Nikki sharp told us that ‘ happiness is something we all want in our life’.
she posed the ticklish question, ‘Why do we want to be happy?’, before brilliantly answering it: ‘ Happiness actually has led to people making more money, so the happier you are means that you do make more money …’
there was a gap in the schedule after that, while the people of Mexico and elsewhere — i didn’t get the sense this was playing out to a large audience — enjoyed their siesta, and here in the UK, i poured myself that gin.
i wondered whether it was worth tuning in again after aforementioned refreshment, given how comically hopeless it had been up until then. But i had nothing else to do, so in i logged for one last session: art therapy.
to soothing music, and after a struggle to squeeze the paint from the tube, art therapist Beatriz did some therapeutic splodging, and as she filled her paper with splodges, she spoke to us softly in spanish: ‘ simplemente expresate ’, she murmured, which probably means, ‘simply express yourself’.
By the time she held up her splodgy ‘finished’ painting, i was actually crying with laughter. A state of elevated bliss, indeed. so, thank you, Grand Velas. We got there in the end.
Daisy Waugh’s latest novel, in The Crypt With a Candlestick is long listed for the Comedy Women in print prize for comic fiction.
THE MENOPAUSE JUICE DETOX Claudia Connell
VIRTUAL RESORT: Amanda Hamilton’s Online Midlife reset Detox retreat ( amanda hamilton.com).
COST: £295 for a fiveday course, with interactive small groups of up to eight women of a similar age, all via Zoom. includes easy menus, workouts and access to a WhatsApp group, and promises to
manage your hormones, improve leep, beat stress and lose weight. Recipes and suggested menu plans re provided but participants shop or and prepare their own food. EXT ONE:: June 14 to 18.
STEPPING on the scales for the irst time in weeks, I was horrified o see that I’d piled on a stone in wo months. Drastic action was needed if I was going to lose the lockdown lard for the summer. Luckily, nutritionist Amanda Hamilton is offering an online Midlife Reset Detox Retreat.
One of the main aims of the etreat is to improve metabolism nd switch cells from storing fat o burning fat, especially around what Amanda calls ‘ the menopause middle’.
Eliminating all meat, fish, wheat, unnatural sugars, dairy, caffeine nd alcohol, it will also detox the liver and gut and give my poor body a break from the mountain of junk I’ve been filling it with in recent weeks.
The detox follows a strict routine:
■ On rising: Hot water and juice of half a lemon.
■ 9am-9.30am: A fruit and veg smoothie.
■ 10am-10.30am: pilates.
■ 12pm-12.30pm: Soup and a ‘ slaw’ ( like coleslaw but without the mayonnaise).
■ 1pm- 2pm: An online class to raise questions and discuss our detox.
■ 3pm-3.30pm: Another smoothie.
■ 6pm-6.30pm: Soup. An afternoon snack is permitted if needed. I must also drink two litres of water and can have herbal teas.
There are five of us, all in our 50s, ‘attending’ the retreat and we meet online to discuss our woes and goals. I state that I want to lose my pudgy ‘carb’ face and to deflate my giant stomach.
My first breakfast smoothie was a ‘ berry beet’ made with cooked beetroot, spinach and avocado, blended with coconut milk. I expected it to be foul but was amazed at how delicious it was.
Over the next few days my smoothies include: carrot and ginger, pineapple and coconut, cucumber and spinach and even a frozen pea and mint one. Our pilates classes focused on the areas most likely to bother middle-aged women: bingo wings, tummies, inner thighs and a backside set on migrating down the backs of our legs. And they must have been hitting the spot because I ached like a 100-year-old the day after our first session.
preparing the soups was timeconsuming but worth it, as they were tasty and insanely filling — so much so that I couldn’t finish my evening bowls.
The huge portions of raw slaws meant I never experienced my usual mid-afternoon energy dip that sees me heading for the fridge.
By day two I’ve developed a pounding headache — caffeine withdrawal no doubt — that eventually eases thanks to all the water I’m drinking.
I enjoy our afternoon Zoom classes where we learn about gut health, nutrition and the effects of alcohol on weight.
I was staggered to learn that one study found a 72 per cent drop in fat burning immediately after drinking alcohol. I was starting to regret all those lockdown cocktails.
A fellow detoxer says she now pictures wine as ‘liquid cake’ — a tip I’ll be using in the future.
By day three, I’m shocked I don’t feel hungry and, if I’m honest, shocked I haven’t cheated. Instead, all the nutritious smoothies and shakes have made me feel energised and surprisingly full.
On day four, I wake up and notice that my stomach has gone down significantly. It’s not washboard flat but it’s nowhere near as roly-poly as it was.
By the time I’ve reached day five, my ‘carb face’ has gone and I am five pounds lighter. I feel light, revitalised and like I’ve had an internal spring clean.
The detox has proved so effective that I’m going to carry on for another five days. I thought I’d be reaching for the pizza delivery menu as soon as it was over, but I have no desire to drink alcohol or eat junk.
What’s happened to me? Whatever it is, long may it continue.
‘It’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in ages,’ says my husband. I’m not a yoga fan. I can’t surf and my body feels battered, but I haven’t felt this relaxed in weeks