Stuttering and awkward, it’s Mr Bumble’s school project
GAvIN Williamson has been Education Secretary for just shy of a year. In such time one might have hoped that he’d developed a bit of headmasterly authority, or, at the very least, a little steel in his spine.
Instead, he still bumbles his way through speeches like a 12-year- old presenting his geography field work project – and a pretty poor one at that. He stutters, he puts stresses on the wrong syllables. Occasionally, he stops mid-speech for no reason, as though someone’s just hit the pause button. As oratory styles go, it does not inspire confidence.
His statement to the House yesterday y confirmed much of what we already y knew. The Government had buckled in n its attempts to bring primary schools s back before the summer holidays.
Chalk it up as another victory for ‘The e Blob’ as Michael Gove used to call the e foot-draggers in the education establishment. hwn Mr Williamson said it was all down to the science. ‘We believe this cautious, us, phased return is the most sensible one to take,’ he said in that slow, nasal twang reminiscent mth of the sort of pedantic jobsworth Peter Cook was so fond of depicting.
Funny. I could just see Gav as a petty ty planning enforcement officer who delights hts in informing people how they’ve breached hed section 2.d. of the local building regulations. ns With a few weary sighs around the chamber, Williamson, pictured, said the Government’s aim now was to get all children back to school in September. The word ‘aim’ suggested he was not altogether confident even this would be possible. Crumbs.
Labour’s Rebecca Long-Bailey welcomed the decision. Teachers and unions had been saying it wasn’t safe for schools to return for ages, she trilled. Former leadership candidate Mrs Long-Bailey, you will have noticed noticed, puts great stock in what the unions have to say. She expressed dismay at how things had been handled. ‘If the Government had brought together everyone involved in implementing these plans from the outset, they would not be in this situation at all,’ she said. Williamson responded that, were it down to her, schools would be shut until the National Education Union let her reopen them. RLB mouthed something over the dispatch box I couldn’t quite make out out, though I feel sure she was not complimenting me Gav on his tousled new hairstyle. I expected ex the Government benches to be mu much tougher on Williamson. Instead he esc escaped with barely a light feathering. Ro Rob Halfon (Con, Harlow) was probably the most critical, saying the Government see seemed more eager to get pubs and garden de centres reopened than our schools. What W most wanted to know, however, was wa what provisions were being made to make m up for lost time. There were repeated re calls for summer schools to be set se up. Williamson remained maddeningly in vague. He said the Government ‘needs ‘ to lift up their eyes higher and be more ambitious’ than just summer schools, though never explained what that might entail. Combustible Meg Hillier (Lab, Hackney S & Shoreditch) accused the minister of being ‘asleep on the job’, such was t the lack of catch-up planning in place. There were repeated demands from L Labour MPs that free school meals vou vouchers remain available. Six times he was asked and I’m not sure I registered an answer – he just drawled away non-committally. An hour later, that voice had become quite painful, sounding like one of those electronic spelling tablets we had as children when running out of batteries. In normal times, I might have popped over the road for a pint of something foamy and replenishing. After yesterday’s news, I dare say plenty of poor mums were reaching for the corkscrew.