I NEEDED TIME TO GRIEVE
THE BRIGHTON BOSS LOST BOTH PARENTS IN THE PAST YEAR BUT DIDN’T HAVE A CHANCE TO DEAL WITH HIS SORROW UNTIL FOOTBALL PAUSED
DURING a press conference at Brighton’s training ground in January, Graham Potter was not his usual self. Unbeknown to anybody, the Brighton manager had just taken a phone call to tell him his father Steve had died.
It was a snapshot of Premier League football, an industry that until recently refused to stop or stand still for anybody or anything. Now, four and a half months on, Potter can look back on the most difficult period of his life and career.
Having lost his mother Val only last July, the 45-year-old has used the recent pause in the season to grieve.
‘We are in that bubble in football,’ Potter tells Sportsmail. ‘I am not complaining. We sign up for it. So you trick your brain to think that’s the right thing and you just get on with things on automatic pilot. But that grief is there anyway.
‘You have to deal with it at some point so the lockdown was a time to do that, at least, a time to grieve and process what had happened. I needed it. Sometimes we get carried away in this inhumane world, like we have to be some sort of robot — but I am not so sure that we do.’
Those who hired Potter to replace Chris Hughton at the Amex last summer and who have worked with him since will tell you he is far from robotic. He is perfect for the club in many ways: young, inclusive, progressive and open-minded.
With a cousin working as a GP and friends who have worried for their livelihoods amid the Covid-19 outbreak, he has felt the curse of the virus intensely. It scared him at first. Three of his players have contracted the illness while one staff member ended up in intensive care. In April he placed his own struggles to one side to speak to lonely Brighton fans on the phone.
Now the country and its national sport have been able to poke their noses through the other side of the pandemic, Potter can reflect on what it has taught him.
‘You do realise how precious and short life is and how perspective is so important,’ he says via Zoom.
‘You can get caught up in the Premier League and the noise of modern life, yet ultimately we are all lucky to be here. Life is short and we should get that, be kinder to each other and more compassionate.
‘There isn’t a coaching qualification on how to deal with a pandemic. You have to feel your way through. There was a time when it didn’t feel right to talk about football. Now hopefully we are through the back end and starting up again and I am excited and emotional about that.’
On the field, Potter faces a great challenge. A list of games including Arsenal tomorrow, Leicester, Manchester United,
Liverpool and Manchester City reads like a Brighton fan’s worst nightmare, the only solace being that four of those five matches will be at home.
Potter’s team have been training at a deserted stadium but he knows not much can be done to prepare players for games without fans. ‘There will be so much at stake yet nobody there,’ he nods. ‘But we have to embrace it, adapt, do our best.
‘The season has been challenging but rewarding. It takes you to the edge of your capacity. You want to improve and be stretched. You want to fight to the end to keep the club in the Premier League and that is what we will do.’
Potter was a jobbing full back who retired at 30. His managerial career started at university level and his route to the Premier League was via Sweden’s lower divisions.
A Masters degree in leadership and emotional intelligence may have helped him this summer, even if his attempts at homeschooling his three children fell at the first hurdle.
‘I had one bad lesson and was pushed to one side by my wife,’ he laughs. ‘I was meant to do a paper mache experiment but the house just became a mess, so I ended up putting the water sprinkler on outside. The kids loved that and just wanted more daddy school. My wife quickly pointed out that’s not school at all.
‘For me, the early stages of lockdown were about being in the moment and trying not to overthink. I just had to “be” and appreciate that me and my family were healthy. Get up, be with the family, do my one hour of exercise and that was it. I found it refreshing, as even when you are on holiday you think you are missing out and the world is carrying on. At that moment everything just stopped and you had to accept it.’
Potter’s first Premier League season has included some brave decisions. Senior players such as striker Glenn Murray have not played that often, while academy graduates Aaron Connolly and Steven Alzate have had opportunities.
Potter is comfortable with that but accepts he has made mistakes.
‘I have learned a lot but I have been true to myself,’ he says. ‘I have acted in a way I think I can be proud of. I can do things better but that’s been my journey since I started. That’s the process of improving.
‘I didn’t reach this point by thinking I was a genius. You get your bottom kicked often in football but you have to keep getting up and improving and asking what we can learn. That sums up the year so far.’
At the start of the season when he sat down with Sportsmail, Potter predicted there would be ‘ bumps in the road’. He was not wrong.
‘What we have all been through as a nation is emotional and powerful,’ he says. ‘There were times when I wondered if we would get to grips with the virus — would we play again. It was killing hundreds a day. To come through that, and spare a thought for those who haven’t, and realise we are so lucky to be able to play football will be emotional, yes.’
On the touchline tomorrow, Potter will hope his players are ready and he will think of his parents. His father was there at Liverpool when Brighton lost 2-1 on November 30. He was diagnosed with cancer the next day and died within two months.
‘My parents were hugely supportive of me,’ he says. ‘They had their life but then I started to play football and that took over. My dad loved fishing but that stopped once I started to play. When I went abroad to manage, my mum was really worried, bless her. She was diagnosed with dementia just after that. One of my poignant memories is of me telling her I was going. She understood it was a really important thing for me to do and came out to visit a couple of times before she was too poorly. My dad came to some games here in Brighton. Most of the home games and some away matches.
‘That was one of the good things about coming back to the UK. It meant mum and dad could come and watch. They were proud of me and would want me to carry on and do my best. That’s just what they used to say: “Just do your best”.
‘That is what I will do. For myself, this club and this town.’
‘They would want me to carry on and do my best. That’s what they used to say: Just do your best’