Tell him you will pay their rent, then

STEPH SAYS:

I AM sorry to read of your dilemma. While this is a difficult family issue for you, I have also found it refreshing to get a letter that isn’t about the trials and tribulations of lockdown.

Your letter is about the future. I agree that you have a real problem, but it is also about the good things that are coming down the line for your family.

It’s about life moving on, and it’s heartwarming to receive a letter about a positive thing in such bleak times.

So let’s get to the bottom of what your husband is objecting to, so you can return to thinking about the positive direction your family’s life is taking.

I understand that you think he’s being unfair. Our children are always our children. even when they are adults, at some point they will run straight to Mum and Dad when things are going wrong — and that continues long after they leave home.

Perhaps your husband had thought he was through that stage, had discharged his responsibilities and was looking forward to some private time with you. But, as mothers, we know that life is not like that.

I think it’s exciting that your daughter and her husband are buying a new house — it’s a brand-new beginning. I would say you have done your parental duties admirably!

I feel your husband is being very stubborn and you deserve to know why. You’ll only know if he is being unreasonable when you know what the reason is.

Is it because he doesn’t want to share his wife? Or his space?

Is it a reluctance to change his routines or give up his privacy? Whatever the reason, he needs to share it with you.

Sharing your space with your grown-up children day-in and day-out for four to six weeks (or even longer!) might not be easy — even two-week family holidays can be tricky — but when you commit to being a parent, your job never stops.

Simply put, as a mother, you will never be able to say no when your daughter asks for help.

Speak to your husband; ask him what his reasons are for refusing and tackle them one by one.

If he remains unmoved, even when you tell him that his little girl is asking and, more importantly, wants to come home, then offer to fund a short-term rental for the period yourself.

Your husband might not be pleased about that, either, but at least you’ll know she will be safe, and won’t miss out on her dream house. But that’s a last resort. If I were you, I’d stick to your guns on having her to stay.