Grillseekers, keep an eye on that sausage!
HOW TO HOST THE BEST SUMMER BARBECUE. PART III — COOKING TIPS
Flaming BBQ accidents
Accidents that occur when you stop watching the grill for a couple of minutes in order to enjoy a drink with your guests . . . the mini-pizzas are in flames. the sausages have gone matt black.
Your dog mounts a successful raid, wolfing down two burgers, and licking a third.
Your know-all brother-in-law picks up the tongs and is poking around at the meat. the moment he spots you returning he says: ‘Lucky i was passing! i managed to save one or two things.’ then he sighs, shakes his head, and says your biggest mistake was to start cooking too early.
An incontinent bird flying overhead aims for a sirloin steak and scores a bulls-eye.
the plastic spatula you left on the side of the grill has melted onto the lamb chops, but you hope no one will notice.
What not to cook
do not attempt to place the following food items straight onto your barbecue grill: spaghetti Baked beans Peas cream cheese chocolate buttons soup ice cream.
Get the right kit
Kitchen implements necessary to have to hand include:
BASTING BRUSH: ideal for when the area around the barbecue gets too hot, and you need to wipe the perspiration off your brow.
MUSHROOM SCRAPER: Mushrooms that have fallen through the bars may become cloaked in grey ash. this all- purpose mushroom scraper will help you take the ash off each mushroom while your guests are engaged in a discussion about coronavirus. HOT DOG FLIPPER: this handy implement flips frankfurters like a pro, so that when one frankfurter rolls, they all roll, and two shoot off the grill onto the ground, to be gulped down by your dog, who is already in disgrace for eating the halloumi, flipped in the same way. ALL-PURPOSE MULTI-FUNCTIONAL SPATULA: Perfect for picking things up and dropping them on the ground just before they reach the plate. CAN SHAKER: A special rapid-shaking device, designed so that when your brother-in-law opens any can you pass him he is silenced by the sudden whoosh of beer covering his face, hands, t-shirt and pricey new italian jacket.
Clothes for barbecuing
to Avoid unnecessary damage to the upper body while barbecuing, a face mask and goggles are advised. irreparable damage to shirts and trousers may also be prevented by wearing a highimpact apron and inflammable gloves. however, to ensure maximum safety, a full hazmat suit is recommended.
Top tips for brilliant barbecuing every time
1. there is only one thing worse than sausages charred on the outside and raw inside, and that’s sausages that are charred on the inside and raw outside. to ensure your sausages are evenly cooked, first pop them onto a frying pan on your indoor hob. When they are roughly 30 seconds from being ready, transport them covertly to your outdoor barbecuing area in a sealed container. While your partner distracts your guests with an amusing anecdote or overstated opinion, simply tip these pre- cooked sausages onto your barbecue. After a few seconds, they should be covered in ash and little black bits, giving them that classic ‘ Mmm! freshly barbecued!’ taste. 2. testing for ‘doneness’. Using a small sharp knife, cut into the centre of the meat. When blood gushes out, say, ‘it could probably do with another few minutes’ and distract your guests by replenishing their glasses. After a further ten minutes, cut once again into the centre of the meat. By now, the gushing should have stopped and the meat will probably be a vivid shade of purple. in a breezy tone, say, ‘Almost ready!’ and help your guests to a top-up. Leave it another ten minutes before again cutting into the centre of the meat. this time, the process should be easier, as the heat from the charcoal will have subsided, leaving the meat stone cold. happily, by now your guests will be beyond noticing and/or caring. And anyway, when the raw meat is served in a bun, drenched in sauce, there will be no way of telling.