How grand-nannying is forcing couples apart

FOR many older couples, looking after the grandchildren together is one of their greatest pleasures.

But for some it’s nothing more than a source of marital strife, research shows.

Scientists found marriages are coming under strain because grandmothers are left to do the bulk of the hard work – such as feeding and bathing young children – while grandfathers mainly focus on fun activities and play.

Around five million grandparents regularly take on childcare responsibilities, according to the charity Age UK. Just under 90 per cent of these babysit at least once a week. But in one in ten cases, they look after grandchildren at least once a day – sometimes for a total of five years or more.

The majority get involved to help their own children work more to support the young family.

Age UK says so- called ‘grandnannying’ has enormous benefits for older couples, keeping them mentally and physically active and curbing loneliness. But the latest research, published in the Journal of Family Issues, suggests some pay a heavy price in terms of their own relationships. Researchers from the University of Massachusetts in the US tracked more than 7,000 pairs of grandparents over a four- year period. The results revealed that those caring for children daily or several times a week were 21 per cent less likely to feel close to or supported by their partner than couples who very rarely babysat.

Even grandparents providing occasional care – less than once a week – were 12 per cent less likely to have a close relationship with each other. Researchers said most of the complaints came from grandmothers who felt they were carrying the burden of care.

Study author Dr Shaungshuang Wang said: ‘Our findings suggest providing even low levels of babysitting may have negative implications for marital quality.

‘And these effects are more pronounced among grandmothers than grandfathers – especially those providing high-level care.’