I’ve learned how to be a good friend
TWO years ago, I was persuaded to sell up and move 500 miles. Circumstances unexpectedly prevented my family from joining me and I found myself in a rental property knowing no one. I had two options: sink or swim. I had to choose the latter, or a lonely and isolated retirement stretched ahead. I came up with a plan that involved identifying all the local resources. I went to everything: the Soup Lunch, Friendship Group, coffee morning and Women’s Institute, which met monthly, so I knew there was a good community spirit in the area. The minister at the local kirk took me under her wing — without her I think I would have sunk. Some people regarded this Sassenach with suspicion, others made welcoming overtures out of curiosity and a couple have become good friends and through them I have widened my circle. It took time, but I had more to gain than lose, so I persevered. I joined a writing forum, craft group and am learning Gaelic. I went out of my way to get to know my neighbours. I have found the Scots to be friendly once they have observed me from a distance! My advice to those who find themselves feeling lonely is that you have to make the effort and turn every calamity — such as losing your cat or being without heating in the middle of winter — into an opportunity. My old friends have remained in touch and several have made the long journey North. They think I am brave to have undergone such an upheaval. It certainly has not been easy and there have been times when I have felt gloomy. However, my motto is to make a friend you have to be a friend, and I believe this will see me through.
HAZEL VANBERGEN, Birkhill, Angus. MAY I take issue with Dr Max Pemberton’s view that gossiping is a vital part of life (Mail). It is rarely positive news that is passed on and it is never helpful. Far better would be for each of us to develop an ear for listening. So many people are desperate for someone to pay attention to their problems and yet we seem to have lost this art.
K. RICHARDSON, Hull.