It’s beyond cruel that I’m not allowed to give Mum a hug
WHEN the chaos, uncertainty and more than occasional insanity that Covid-19 has brought into our lives has passed, I want to be able to look my children in the eye and tell them I did all I could to keep their beloved grandmother safe and well. My mother has been living in a nursing home for two years due to ill health. The home has done a remarkable job during the pandemic. There has been only one confirmed case of Covid-19 and no fatalities. When lockdown eased, it followed the Government guidelines to allow a family member to have one half-hour visit a week. Our family has been hugely affected by the events of this year, but by far the hardest to cope with is watching the effect reduced visits have had on my mother’s mental health and wellbeing. The tears when she sees me because I am not allowed to hug her and her inability to understand my voice behind a mask are hard to deal with. I show her photos of her new greatgranddaughter, her family and her much-missed dogs. I bring little gifts — her favourite liquorice and unsalted crisps. I try anything I can think of to make her smile. Then before it seems possible, the half-hour is up. A wellmeaning carer says I have to leave and my mother bursts into tears. The pain of not being able to comfort her, after a lifetime of receiving her love, is unbearable. The upset of seeing her tears and not being able to wipe them away — and most of all the lack of physical contact — tears us apart. This can’t be right. This is beyond cruel. This can’t continue. I implore the Government to reassess our access to loved ones who need our care the most, who deserve to be shown how much they are loved. We have to halt the mental health crisis affecting thousands of my mother’s generation countrywide. Testing at care and nursing homes needs to be reassessed urgently due to the number of people who are dying from the effects of Covid-19 without ever having caught it.
MELANIE SMART, Honiton, Devon. I WORK in a nursing/care home and would like to tell families we feel for you and understand your pain when you can’t see your loved ones. We would love for you to able to hug them as before, but we see the other side. For the 30-minute visiting times, staff provide gloves and a mask, but often these are removed, putting residents and staff in danger. So many in the home are frail or have a terminal illness — if they were to contract Covid-19, it could kill them. As for staff, if they come into contact with an infected person, they have to selfisolate at home for 14 days, using up holiday or facing no pay. We love your mums and dads as if they were our own, we hurt when they are ill or dying, we go to their funerals out of love. It’s hard when you can’t see your relative as before, but please be patient and don’t blame the care homes keeping your loved ones safe.
Name and address supplied. MY 95-year-old mum, who is in a care home, said to me on the phone: ‘If it’s a good day, make the most of it. If it’s a bad day, get on with it.’ Wise words from a much-loved woman who may never see her grandchild or greatgrandchildren again.
ROS ELLIS, Hainault, Gtr London.