When baring all on social media really is courageous
MANY have questioned the wisdom of model Chrissy Teigen posting pictures to 13 million Instagram followers just moments after she had lost her third child halfway through her pregnancy.
In one, she and her pop star husband John Legend heartbreakingly cradle the little boy they had already named Jack in the hospital bed after he died.
In another, the bereft mother leans forward in grief, tears trailing down her cheeks. Too much? Too private to share with the world?
Quite the reverse, in my view. Yes they are celebs, yes they use social media to publicise themselves. But by revealing their terrible sadness at losing a child, they give succour to other people who have suffered in the same way, such as Kate Beckinsale, who has now revealed her own ‘soul-destroying’ miscarriage.
In those black-and-white pictures, Chrissy embodies the broken dreams of millions of mothers and fathers who have lost babies — for the tragic truth is that one in every four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. She later tweeted: ‘Driving home from the hospital with no baby. How can this be real?’
The searing guilt she felt was expressed in her apology to her son for not being able to ‘ give you the home you needed to survive’.
She spoke of ‘ the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain you’ve never felt before’.
Millions have endured this agony — yet for so long miscarriage has been taboo, something we’ve shied away from speaking about. There are no missed birthdays to dwell over with a miscarriage, no family moments to recall, no happy baby selfies.
My mother, who lost a son at six months, only told me of the emptiness she felt decades after she’d miscarried. She felt guilty lamenting the loss of an unborn child when, like Chrissy, who has two children, she was already ‘blessed’ with healthy babies.
I also understand some of that sadness from my 20s when, newly engaged and told I was ‘probably’ pregnant, it turned out to be ectopic. For me, ecstasy turned to tragedy, and I never again conceived.
Social media is rightly pilloried for being a fast track to hatred, intolerance, voyeurism and cruelty.
And yet, with the image of those tears, Chrissy spoke to so many women who have suffered. It was a brave and heartfelt gesture, and we should applaud her for breaking through this damaging wall of silence