Lots of couples are better apart

DOM SAYS:

FIRSTLY, I’d like to say I’m delighted you’ve found love and that lockdown wasn’t as painful for you as for many others.

I realise your boyfriend drove you bonkers, but you might do well to imagine how you’d have felt if you’d been on your own. Which is not to say that I don’t understand your predicament.

For although this is an unusual letter to receive, you are not alone. Steph and I often joke that we are better as a couple because we sleep in different rooms, and would be better still if we had different houses in different counties and, some days, different countries. If that were the case then we wouldn’t be a great couple, we’d be an absolutely fantastic one!

Joking aside, you are not alone in wanting your own space. I have friends who live next door to each other and are very happy. It’s not wildly unusual.

Your problem is getting your partner to understand how you feel — and seeing if living apart would work for him. the conversation needs to happen. If he’s blithely unaware of how you feel, then you’ll split anyway.

I’m sure there isn’t a person reading this who doesn’t love doing the things they do secretly, when the other is away.

Some of us just need a little time alone to stare into space or watch telly in peace to recharge our batteries.

this will not be the easiest conversation to have. Start by telling him you love him, then that you need time, but he musn’t get the wrong idea.

Point out you’ve become used to living alone and it suits you. Present him with the situation and give him the opportunity to accept that the next step would be to live closer together — but not in the same house.

Fundamentally, this is a good test of his love. Does he care enough to live that kind of life?

he may surprise you — it may suit him to have a certain amount of freedom. For being together 24/7 is what drives most people apart at the end.

But if it’s not for him, then, let’s face it, it’s not going to work for either of you.

If he goes, he goes. If it’s not what he’s looking for, then he’s not who you’re looking for. at least you know what it is you’re searching for in your life, which is a step forward for you.

Don’t be afraid to tell the truth, and don’t be ashamed of your desire for personal space. Wanting to be on our own is natural. You simply need more time on your own than he does.

Be proud, tell him you love him and let him know you need more space. there’s nothing wrong with that.