Are you sure he’s the one for you?

STEPH SAYS:

THANK YOU for writing to us with your dilemma. I can see this is difficult for you, but this problem has nothing to do with your partner and your relationship, but with your inner turmoil.

One thing I have learned is that most emotional issues are born of fear or love. So which one do we have here?

In your letter, you say you have no wish to share your space with anyone, and then go on to state that you love your partner very much. So my first thought is about your independence and your fear of losing it.

Your ex-husband used to work away a lot and you have been single for a while after the end of your marriage. So my guess is that you are so used to being on your own, that this new situation represents a huge change for you and your children.

It’s hard to share your space when you’re used to being the only decision-maker.

But when you love someone, you do it, you share. So it begs the question whether, deep down, you truly love this man. have you considered that what you are really saying is that you don’t want to put down roots with him, and entangle him with your children’s lives, because you’re not sure you’ll want to see those roots grow deeper in the future?

Living with another person can be irritating — and that is entirely normal. I could be here for a week listing all the things Dom and I do which drive each other crazy. But, well, it’s just daily life, and never hurts or does irreversible harm.

So firstly, I think you need to dig a little deeper to discover the truth about why you are reacting so strongly. If it’s because you don’t love him, then you know what you need to do. But if that’s not the case, you need to find out why you’re reacting like this.

are you afraid that by sharing, you’re giving up your independence? I imagine it took a lot to build yourself up after your divorce. Showing your vulnerability and accepting love when you’ve been so strong can be hard — and scary. But if he’s the one for you, it’s worth the risk.

all relationships are about communication, and you two are not communicating well. I’d put money on him already knowing how you feel, though. he is probably just as scared of losing you as you are of losing him if you tell him he can’t move in.

So, what do you do? You seek your own truth, you work out what you’re so afraid of, and once you’re sure what that is, you talk. Be gentle. I hope in my heart that it all works out.

IF YOU have a question you’d like Steph and Dom to tackle, write to: stephanddom@ dailymail.co.uk