I can’t help but side with your ex

DOM SAYS:

First up, i’m no lawyer, but you say in your longer letter that in a divorce you would have received a financial settlement, and that the lack of marriage is the problem here.

As i understand it, you both work and, as you have openly told us, you personally contributed nothing to the pot during the relationship and have no children, so it would seem fair to me that nothing is due.

the lack of marriage may well be the root of the problem here — not financially, but in terms of love and commitment. the ring didn’t come and the wedding didn’t happen, and that must have been for a reason.

i do feel sorry for you because you enjoyed the good times and the kindness and generosity afforded to you, and are now missing the lifestyle to which you had become accustomed.

But i’m afraid my sympathy is limited because i can’t help feeling that, had it worked out with the man you left your ex for, you wouldn’t be writing to us.

You don’t tell us much about him, but i’m assuming that, given that financial security is so important to you, you felt your new chap would provide you with the lifestyle you had previously enjoyed.

You jumped out of the frying pan into the fire — and now the frying pan doesn’t want you back. i can’t help but side with your ex. Evidently he is still hurt. Money does not stop people being hurt, you know! He’d looked after you and been kind to you and you left him for someone else.

With regard to your own finances, you lived well outside your means without any thought to the future. i understand that you did this to fit in, and i’m sorry you felt that was what you needed to do. But it was unwise, and was it really necessary? You weren’t paying rent, council tax, gas, electricity and the rest, so you really should have saved money.

rest assured, however, that you did the right thing by walking away. the relationship wasn’t good for you despite the financial benefits.

so i commend you for your initial plan and i urge you to follow it through and leave this chap well alone. i’m afraid your credit card bill is yours, not his.

As for future relationships, please bear this in mind. i know women who spend thousands on clothes, hair, make-up and the rest and look OK, and i know women who spend next to nothing and look fantastic.

You may dress to make a man feel good, but he won’t have the foggiest if the frock is M&s or Chanel — and will care even less.